America The Beautiful
by Abstract' Orchestra
Summary: The battle ends suddenly, and Kurogane made a quick choice for his future. But home is calling, along with the rules that have been drilled into his head. And Fai's not all too stable, either. M for later chapters and adult themes.
1. New Understandings

Authore notes:

I'm really bad at keeping up with Fanfics. I always kind of loose interest. I promise I'll keep this one up though. I hope it's acceptable; I've found that I am a plot writer, ever since my teacher had us read a passage about the author of The Outsiders (Disclaimer: IF IT WAS MINE WOULD I BE WRITING THIS?). If I don't know where the story is going, I feel lost. So I'm starting this as a clean page without a exact course, trying to slowly get myself into a place where I feel comfortable just writing. Also, I find that I know how something looks in my head, but don't take the time to describe it. As a result, I am going to try very hard on my confidence levels and my descriptions. If you reveiw (Reveiws make me happy!!) I would really like for you to comment on these things. I think that confidence is something a writer can portray greatly in their wrighting. Hope you like it!

Sorry if the begginning is confusing. I wanted to try to just throw you into the story. :/

DISCLAIMER: If I owned Tsubasa it wouldn't be so fucking (I can swear because this is rated M for later chapters, haha!) confusing, now would it? I don't have that kind of brain power. So I guess I don't own, now do I?

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Chapter 1: New Understandings

Yawning, a tall, lithe figure climbed the dark stairwell, the floorboards moaning under his weight, announcing his arrival. He took out his keys and did not fumble opening the door at all even though the narrow hall in which the stairs were located was lacking light. He pushed the door open with a small creak and he stepped onto the ugly tile of the kitchen, it's decor mostly a yellow, weather it be intentional or because of it's age. It was also dark, though moonlight poured trought the window on the right, tamed into a square upon the sink and the floor. However, in the household there was no exess of money, so curtains for the small window had not been bought yet, taking away from the serenity of the seen.

Setting the keys down onto the counter, the man crossed over to the door on the left and into the living room, which was very bare, with only a used, cheap but very comfortable overstuffed armchair all the way to the right and a wooden stand against the far wall that held nothing, sitting in wait for a television. From there, he took a right into the bedroom, which was even worse, with only a used, uncomfortable full sized matress and boxspring on a cheap metal fame, the window bare exept for the blinds that had com standard on them. It was not that they were poor, it was that both of them had had nothing upon moving into the home and were still in the process of making money to buy said furnishings.

On the floor next to the bed was a man under some blankets bought at a Family Dollar, one strewn over his midsection, the other over his legs and feet. Like anyone with training wracked into him, he shuddered when someone walked into the room, his eyelids fluttering open to watch the lithe figure that found him and looked down.

"Why aren't you in the bed?" he asked.

"It's your turn," came the gruff reply, his crimson

The first man shook his head a bit and sighed. "I told you that since I work the graveyard shift you can sleep on the bed until I get home."

"Just go to sleep, idiot." The male on the floor turned over onto his side.

"Whatever," came the murmur as the figure started to take off the heavy dark blue shirt that was standard at Cumberland Farms, a local convience store. He threw it into the only other thing in the room, a very flimsy white hamper they had gotten at a yard sale for a buck, the same yard sale at which they had purchased the only tableware in the house: one cup, two plates, a bowl, a couple spoons and forks.

Without bothering to take off his black pants, he crawled into bed and whispered, "Thanks."

"You're really one idiot of a mage."

"Yep."

A small smile crept over his face before sleep pounced, dragging him into unconciousness like a snow leapard attacking it's prey on the mountainside.

_It was a reacurring dream that was enjoyed every night recently, though he hardly remembered it. It was a needed break from the nightmares and the twisted tales his mind spun, distorting reality. _

_All at once, the world wretched apart and came crashing together all at the same time as it recovered from it's injuries, and before he could figure out what had happend he was being dragged back, blackness in his wake. He clawed and struggled, but the universe was winning, and then he heard a voice, deep and dear and familiar._

_"FAI!"_

_His brain suddenly kicked into a fast gear, the fear clogging his engine being tugged out sharply. He threw his arm out, his fingers just brushing the calloused fingertips of the other, unable to grasp. In the ninja's shadow lay the finest image of Nihon, ready to welcome the hero home. Then, in a quick motion, the tall, well-built man lunged forward and swung him arm back, taking ahold of Fai's strong but still frail wrisp, and he looked at the blonde with one of his wicked smiles of vicotory, saying something lost in the silence din of the world's revival._

"Quit smiling like a love-sick idiot," came a mutter. Kurogane was getting ready for the lunch shift at Taco Bell, so it was mabe nine in the morning, because the resturant was about a half-hour's walk at least at a good pace. He heard keys jingle and a door close, and knew it was around ten instead, since Kurogane was leaving. Fai had been sleeping for about five hours, and he could probably get in another five. Usually he pushed himself up so he could hang out with Kurogane for a few hours before he left, since he worked evenings and all nights while Kurogane worked lunch shift and then went to a local garage, where he was going to be able to work on cars as soon as he was finished with his training. If it had been a serialized chain, he'd have to have a degree in mechanics, but since it was just a little shop on the corner around the block, it was okay.

It had been a month since they had gotten their jobs. They had been arrested for possessing a weapon, before Fai had even been able to remember a translating spell, and then when they had no records the police had gotten suspicous. However, they seemed to know a place named Japan, and called a translator. They told the woman that they only remember walking down the street, and being grabbed, and that was it. The lie became intricately weaving, including drugs, prostetution, a country without a goverment, and a stolen reletive, but in the end, after taking a test, they had become citizens of the United States, though they had to keep in close tabs with the immigration offices for a while.

They had found an apartment with low rent and a land lady who allowed them to stay free for the first month so they could get jobs. Fai, with his good attitude, had been able to find a place fairly easy, and had moved from bartender at the resturant Bill's to grabbing extra shifts as a waiter and was now experimenting the in the kitchen. Kurogane, to his own anger, hadn't been able to get a career so easily, but had found a job in the end. Still, it pained the man that Fai supplied more than a single source of income while he was at the bottom ranks of Taco Bell just scraping some cash up; he was already banned from both the drive through and the register because of his sirous appearance and the rarity of his smiles.

Still, even though he hated to even admit it to himself, it was better than a life in Nihon, wondering what the fuck had happened to his favorite mage. Every time he thought about how close he was to the magician something made his throat tight and he had to shove the idea away violently, probably because being gay was a sin in Nihon, though Tomoyo and everyone else didn't like to talk about it. He had been brought up thinking loving men was wrong, so he was unwilling to say he loved Fai like that. Fai was a brother, he had decided. Just a brother, like Tomoyo was a sister to him. Every day became harder and harder, because every time he saw the blonde he seemed more and more amazing, working his ass off to keep their apartment, getting up earlier than needed just to spend time with Kurogane and do some laundry, though the ninja at least tried to do that much.

One day they had been on a bus on the way home from the supermarket and the man behind them had a weird device playing music so loudly they could hear it in the next row. Fai, though he hid it well, seemed to take an interest in it, and Kurogane had thought back to all the times he had seen the magician take a passion to music, and it seemed it had happened many times. So, in secret, Kurogane was saving up to buy Fai an iPod, hoping to give it to the blonde at Christmas, a holiday they celebrated like some kind of religion, or so he had heard from the mage himself.

_"Kelsy told me-" Kuro cringed inside at the mention of that dirty-blonde, perky, cute co-worker of Fai's. Not only had she taken a liking to him, but it was like her life's purpose to show him around West Warwick, Rhode Island, and tell him about all the things that happened. "About Christmas. It's on December 25th and parents buy and wrap presents and put them under a tree they decorate. Usually the tree is put in the living room after Thanks Giving, which is in November. Anyway, they say it's from some fat jolly man named Santa Clause, nick named Saint Nick, who has a sleigh and flying reindeer, whatever those are, and he slides down your chimney supposedly with his magical bag of toys. Adults only play along with that for the kids, but they still give presents. There's no school from Christmas to the New Year, it's such a big holiday, and stores start putting out Christmas items even before Thanks Giving. It's like some religion or something, the way they celebrate it. Kelsy said that, for the kids, one of the fire trucks from the nearby station brings a man dressed like Santa down the hill and he gives the children edible things called Candy Canes. They have music, some drink called hot chocolate, and the tree down in the square is all lit up. It seems really nice, Kuro; I think we should try out Christmas this year. And all those other holidays they have, like Holloween and Thanks Giving. It sounds fun!"_

At the site of the mage's face all lit up, how could Kurogane say no? Fai seemed to bask in the glow of America, though the ninja thought of it as a nosey country that counldn't keep it's nose out of the ussies of other countries, one that was too material-addicted and greedy. Still, the blonde seemed to love the almost-carefree life, since that was what it was compared to what they had endoured. Both men knew the kids were safely in their home countries, so there was no use talking about them and a word hadn't been uttered about the two at all. Both of them had discussed trying to find their way to Nihon, but Fai didn't know what would happen, since he had no control over where they would land and how he would hold up. In the end, they had decided to stay for the time being....Or so Kuro liked to think.

_"You have your tatoo and your eyes back. That means you should be able to jump worlds fine, right?"_

_Fai sighed. "Do you want to truth?"_

_"Of course," said the ninja snappishly._

_"Celes scared the shit out of me." The blonde adverted his eyes to the door across the room, since he was sitting on the countertop. "I don't know if I'll die, Kurogane, even though it seems the evidence of our journey has been earased. I don't want to die, and I blame that on you." Then the man leaned forward to place his feet on the ground, slowly standing, and then striding out without giving Kurogane a glance. "I'm sorry," was all he whispered_

_Kurogane watched him go, not shaken by the use of his full name; it seemed Fai used it whenever he was dead sirous, and even though it placed an empty feeling in Kuro's stomach, he knew it was the mage's way of getting through to him, like when he himself had yelled Fai's name instead of one of his insults. Somewhere deep inside he hurt a bit at the fact that he might never see Tomoyo, expecially since he had_ _promised to come back...Yet somehow, he didn't want to go home. This was where he lived now, with the person closest to him, all alone with a fresh start and a new life. Should he keep it? Being with Fai for the rest of their lives was something that appealed to him, even though he didn't want it to. Would Tomoyo ever forgive him for his sins?_

He couldn't leave Fai after so long, because the mage had so much of him. The night Kuro had taken his oath, the moment Tomoyo finished speaking, he had heard a faint creaking outside the door and then almost inaudable footsteps at could only come from that sneaky mage, only caught by the ears of a trained ninja. So the blonde even knew Kurogane's secret name. But then again, when he reflected upon it, he had so much of the man called Fai D. Flourite. Kurogane knew the man's full past, had been his prey, had pried away the mask and forced a small trust between them even though there were scars there. Even so, it seemed the Celes wizard did not fully and completely trust Kurogane, which made the man fustrated. More than anything, he wanted for Fai to trust him unconditionally, because mabe then he wouldn't hurt so much and mabe then all of those scars would start to get smaller.

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By the way, West Warwick is a real place. I have a penpal from there. For this story I asked them to send pictures and descriptions of all over Phenix Villiage and the surrounding area, including local events. And just because it's a villiage, don't go all "Omfg so there's cottages and everyone knows each other?" on me. It's just an area of West Warwick, just like any other town. Though I am told that sometimes it seems like everyone's a reletive of everyone, like some kind of fishbowl effect (Not my words). West Warwick is an old mill town, keep that in mind. Oh, Bill's Place is a real resturant. However, the house is purely from the depths of my mind, but I have an idea of where it is. The Land Lady lives on the first floor, just so you know, while Kuro-Pon and Fai live upstairs. Descriptions of West Warwick will come later. Remember what I said about reveiws!


	2. New Tactics

Author Notes:

Kurogane get's a little experimental in this chapter *Evil smile*. I hope it's not too short...I really want to keep the amazing readers I have and my reveiwers. Remember, comment on what I mentioned in the intro of the first chapter!

P.S - OMFG I didn't babble! Round of applause please!

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Chapter Two: New Tactics

Fai yawned, looking around the room with bleary vision, searching for the face he knew so well. It was around seven o'clock and he'd only gotten two hour's sleep, but he wanted some time with that big brute. "Kuro?" he called in a voice only a bit louder than a murmur. The room would have been bright had the blinds been shading out the light, like sunglasses.

"What, idiot?" came a small grunt far away. Only Kurogane would hear someone speaking from the bathroom when the voice had been so low. Then again, it was very quiet out.

"Oh, good morning," Fai said, having moved to the doorway. He streatched energectically.

"Why do you get up so early?" Kurogane said, side tracked as he poured a couple asprin into his hand and put them in his pocket for later, just in case, because if Taco Bell didn't give him a headache usually the yelling at the garage did.

"Because living with someone feels weird if we only see each other when we're sleeping," Fai said. "And because we ran out of alcahol."

Kurogane, toothbrush now in hand, said, "You know I'm always up for liquor, but this month we're cutting it tight." Truth was, he'd put away a bit more this month for the iPod since he was going to get promoted at the auto shop. Now he regretted doing it before he actually got payed for the promotion. "Probably because you bought that stand."

"Hey, we're not dying on the streets," Fai pointed out. "If we have a house, I want to use it. And that was a good deal, too! Anyway, once I get to be a cook and you get to be a mechanic, we can pay for more things. The boss said I have a lot of promise and I might become a manager."

_Glad you're doing so well, _thought Kurogane, scrubbing his teeth harshly. "Bottom line, you can go a week without alcahol if you want to go to that damned Lala."

It was the truth. Fai wanted to go to the carneval they were going to have at a Portuguese bar down the street, in the huge lot surrounding it. The white-washed, old, multi-story building was behind a gas station and a liquor store with a big sign holding light bulbs pointing toward the shop, an outdated cousin of neon. Fai amused himself with the fact that only a few houses away from the alcahol store in the direction of Phenix Square, across the opening to Wakefield Street, was a tiny little one-truck one-ambulance fire station, painted white just like the bar. Actually, if you were traveling toward Phenix on Main Street, the line-up was the gas station, the brick liquor store, the opening to the lot of the club, a couple houses, the shop Kurogane trained/worked at, the opening to Wakefield Street, and then the firestation. All the buildings were old, like most of the area. Actually, the surroundings didn't get nice until you go onto Wakefield, with it's golf courses and big houses. It was a whole different world.

Anyway, the Portuguese Feast, also known as the Portuguese Lala or just the Lala, was a carneval put on by the club. They had, mabe, ten rides all together, a bunch of games, food, singers, and raffles for members of the bar. Many people in Pheonix and Artic (another "villiage" that was bit nicer) were Portuguese, since West Warwick had cut off from Warwick because of the fact that the western part was mostly mills settled on the river. With the mills came jobs, and it just so happened that many Portuguese people settled there, enough to create a Portuguese church and at least three Portuguese bars and clubs. Kelsy said that in early September they hung Portuguese and American flags from the electric poles. Fai really wanted to try out the rides, even though Kelsy said that it was a rip-off compared to the carneval at "Oakland Beach".

Fai had to give up. He had always loved liquor more than food, because when he was full he always thought back to the days where he had almost starved and froze in the snow, the only thing keeping him alive being a spell on him making it so. On the other hand, alcahol put him in a place where he didn't feel excess pain or suffering and couldn't think of the past, though over time he had noticed the fact that on every occasion he drank, the better he kept it down, to his dismay. He wanted to get as drunk has he had as a young teenager, giggly and unable to think clearly. _Yeah, I'm an alcaholic, _he thought. _But so what? I have my reasons._

"Whatever. But promise me you'll take me to Six Flags someday. Kelsy says that it's a big theme park with huge roller coasters. There's also Lake Compounce Conobie Lake Park. She said that a long time ago there was Rocky Point, but they closed down after over a hundred years of business."

"You think about the past too much," the ninja answered, his voice muffled by the action of brushing his teeth.

Fai chuckled. "Well I guess I do," he answered, giving a quick, sharp look down at his tatoo, the one Kurogane had been adverting his eyes too, since it made it even harder to ignore the lithe man. Even though Fai had a fairly delecate figure he was still all man, and Kuro knew this better than anyone having shared a house with him alone. Of course somewhere along the lines he'd glimpsed Fai naked, not that it had been some sort of great show...much. Now he looked down at the black marks curling around his ribs, his eyes slipping up to Fai's face, which was questioning him.

Kurogane cursed himself inside, though he remained stoic. Why was he feeling attracted to this man? Why? His whole self was supposed to be devoted to Tomoyo, and it was his responisbility to make sure this didn't happen....Yet he might not ever see Tomoyo again, with the way things were going. And then, suddenly, his mindset went into the "Fuck it" mode, where he did not give a damn anymore.

Replacing his toothbrush into the cabinate after rinsing it, he said, "You listened in on my vows in Nihon."

Fai tensed, expecially since what Kurogane said had not even been a question, but a statement without room for negotiaton. He looked at the ninja with a sirous look and said, "Yes. So?"

The truth was, he had been going to visit Kuro when he had heard the man's voice, and he leaned against the thin wall to listen in, even though he knew it was wrong, wondering if they'd bring him up. And then the conversation turned into a shinobi oath and Fai had suddenly felt like a trustpasser, knealing against the wall, letting such a private conversation pass through his ears. Yet, at the exact same time, he could not leave, for with every syllable, every world, every vow tethering the ninja to his master, his heart broke a little more, bit by bit. Then they had come here, because Kurgane had sacrificed a free ride home, and they were nice and alone, and being a selfish person, he could not give it up, though he dare not lie to his best friend. In truth, he was afraid of what would happen should he use his magic extensively. He did not want to die and leave Kurogane.

"You know my secret name."

Fai brushed it off with "So?", though he noticed the lower note in the other's voice. It was turning...seductive?

Kurgane stepped forward, making Fai want to back away, but he couldn't for some odd reason. They were so close the blonde could feel the body heat that was Kurogane, because Kuro was so unlike his name; he was a warm, safe place. Strong and silently caring. He could feel his face becoming a bit warmer, though some blood rushed to places he'd rather leave unmentioned as the shinobi placed a hand against the doorframe and leaned in to whisper "Say it."

The wizard's lips hardly moved when he murmured "Why?", his heart skipping.

"Because."

Fai couldn't bring himself to do it, because of the closeness of the situation and the fact that he wasn't ready to handle it. He loved Kurogane dearly, though he knew no one could love him the same way, but a new fear arose that asked: Did Kurogane just want sex? Did the ninja just want an object to get his tension out on before moving on, like a free hooker?

The man in question saw the fear deep in the crystal blue orbs that were Fai D. Flourite's eyes, but still he want to do this, just to see if it felt _right_, and if it didn't then he would leave the subject all together with a clear concience. Only the wizard was making it so hard.

He ran a tanned, rough textured hand over Fai's cheek and into his silky yellow hair, the feeling of it only heightening his eagerness, pullling his face in closer. In low, seductive growl and said, "Say it." The wizard never knew such a callused hand could be so gentle, how a murmur could be so seductive.

Fai couldn't move in fright, for the situation was so new he had no mask ready for it, and because, around Kurogane, he could hold no mask tightly and he knew it. He was shaking slightly, his heart feeling constricted in his chest, as if the neighbor's boa had excaped and had slithered into his chest to kill him from the inside out. He could almost hear his pulse in his ears, his stomach turning with each throb. He didn't know if he wanted it or not. He couldn't think enough for that. He was drowning in the crimson hanging above him, like a sea of molten rock, just as warm and ten times as more inviting. The same heat was under the large, protective hand caressing the side of his head.

Kurogane's lips sent a searing hot warmth into Fai, while his own were cool, sending shivers down Kurogane's spine, shivers he (somehow) neighther liked nor hated. Part of Fai, the part that loved the jumping of his heart and the heat turning his pale skin slightly pink, wanted to drown himself in the sweet, comfortable warmth that was the other, to let himself go and to show Kurogane how much he loved him, to release all of his stress and fear, but then there were the scars. The permanent marks seared, sending shooting pain into his mind and telling him no, this was wrong. No. No. No.

Kurogane groaned a bit and Fai's mind screamed STOP! and came to a screeching halt. He didn't even notice that his voice had repeated his thoughts until he had shoved the other away, stumbling back against the frame as his whole body shook, his knees threatening to break away, prompting him to hold onto the frame behind him for dear life. Kurogane, caught off guard, stumbled backwards and looked up only to wish he hadn't dared to take the glance.

Fai looked horrible, his eyes wide, like crystal-blue lakes being taken over by a Tsuname of fear, standing out in the dimly lit room like reflective diamonds. He was in a cold sweat, all heat gone form his body, his legs looking as if they'd buckle any moment, his fingernails clawing into the wood behind him. Had it not been for the wall, the mage would have been on the floor. Kurogane, though his face stayed stoic and too-calm, cursed once under his breathe only to continue in his head, swearing at himself and his stupidity and how gross it was he'd kissed another man...and yet, he had never felt anything so amazing.

Somehow, Fai's voice came out loud and strong. His face was toward the floor, his long hair covering his eyes with a shadow. "I'm not a prostitute, nor am I a doll you can just mess around with whenever it's convenient!"

Anger flared in the pit of the shinobi's stomach, making him say loudly, "I was sirious, moron!" He almost wanted to take it back, catching the fact that he had just confessed to another man, until he felt how right it felt. He couldn't imagine him saying something like that to anyone else under any circumstances.

Fai's head snapped up, and before he could look away again Kurogane cought a look that made him stop short. Something had flared in the blue of those eyes, like a sudden gust of wind in the arctic, kicking up snow and blowing it with great vigor, but with a whole different range of emotions including surprize, hope, and hapiness? But then again, Fai was Fai was Fai, and he could never break out of his stupid habits.

"Stop it!" said the mage loudly. "See? Even when I tell the truth you-"

"Do you really think I'd do that?" the ninja shot, angry yet again."Think about it for a second. Me. Lie. To you. For sex."

Fai's grip on the doorframe faultered, and he slipped almost half a foot before he cought himself again, but he never raised his head once. When he spoke, it came out a soft whisper this time as he took in a deep, shuddering breath. "I-I'm sorry Kurogane....But I can't trust you with that kind of power."

The man in question stumbled back and gaped at the blonde as if slapped, eyes wide, though they quickly returned to normal. Of course he should have expected this much. The mage thought it was a lie and would soon become another addition to the shelf of misery and deciet, shimmering with a new coat of pain and hurt, sculpted by the best in the business, Betrayal A. Lies. Also, he was probably trying to recover from the shock of being locked in a kiss with another man, trying to recollect his thoughts and figure out what had just happened.

Kurogane knew Fai needed some emotional tender loving care, something which Kuro wasn't good at in the least. He knew that this ment being slow, patient, quiet, and understanding, which ment slowing himself down, thinking about Fai's situation, and lowering his voice. Still, he couldn't help but ask, "Was it that gross?"

Fai looked up, his eyes masked by a numb cold that made Kurogane cringe inside, though he snapped his crimson orbs onto the ice and tried to melt them with a deep, silent stare. Finally the wizard replied, his voice soft but monotone. "Of course not."

Suddenly Kurogane felt very uncomfortable, and before he could think of what to do he was walking out, grabbing his wallet and his keys and leaving for work, letting the door close at it's own pace behind him.

Fai stood there, feeling abandoned and confused and hurt. His stomached ached terribly and all he wanted to do was go back to sleep. And so he did, just so he wouldn't have to think about it, until it was time for that dastardly thing called the memories flooded back so violently he was ready to walk to the toilet just in case, his head throbbing. He couldn't go to work like that.

He had kissed Kurogane. He had kissed him. Kissed him. Kissed. Kiss. It had been amazing, brilliant, and undecribable, but didn't know what to think, and the words of "I was sirious, moron!" played over and over in his head as he contemplated their cryptic meaning. He trusted Kurogane more than anyone, but he still could not give himself to any one person just yet. He had to give it some room in case the curse of his birth decided to come creeping back from the depths of hell and turn his life into the apitomy of misery. The prospect of that happening made the blonde curse for letting it go this far, because he knew if Kurogane ever left him in any form now, wheather it be death or hate, he would commit suicide once and for all and just end his miserable life, because what would there be to live for?

After calling into sick to work, Fai couldn't stand to think anymore, and so he crawled back into bed, gripping the sheets tight in anguish.

"Oh God," muttered Kurogane when he found Fai curled up in bed, knees to his chest, every inch of him covered with their comforter, his body slowly rising and falling. "What did I do?" He knew he had to get the magician to snap out of it, and the only way to do that was to brush it off a bit, but not completely, because then it'd seem as if he _was _messing around. So he snatched the blankets out from over and under Fai, tearing them away to reveal the man who was still shirtless. Fai jumped ten feet high and scrambled to sit up, his eyes going wide at the site of Kurogane.

"What the hell are you doing?" asked Kurogane a bit loudly. "If you're going to stay out of work, at least get dressed so we can do something interesting, idiot. Don't just lay around on your day off!" Along with staying away from the topic of the kiss, Kuro aslo knew he had to reasure Fai if he ever wanted to get anywhere. He had had the afternoon to think it over and had come to the conclusion that yes, he did love Fai, and no, he didn't give a damn. He'd try to make it back to Nihon, and if he was exicuted he was. If he wasn't, he was going to try and bring that law to a standstill. Gruffly, he added "I want to spend some time with you, dumbass."

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I really hate the way I ranted in some spots on this chapter and didn't describe things in other parts...My mind's drawing a blank when it comes to fixing them. .:( New chapters should be up soon, expecially since I'll be writing a lot on Saturday. I just decided to go to my friend's house on a whim, and when he was grabbing a new backpack because his broke, his upstairs neighbor came home and asked me to watch her baby while he slept so she could go out with her boyfriend/hubby. But they don't have internet, so I'll be writing a lot. Sweet job, huh? :D


	3. New Surroundings

Author Notes:

I really can't believe that people love this so much!!! Northershinigame was practically begging for a this chapter. :D I'm very happy. But please, some comments on what I explained in the first chapter? Please? I need critisism people! ;)

I like some of this chapter. I think it's written a lot better than chapter two, which sucked in my opinion. I'm not talking about events, I'm talking about sentence structure and what not. But you guys don't care, right? You just want the read! :D

I'll let you do that in a second. However, I do have some things I have to say. I will try to get the pictures that I am sent from West Warwick onto the internet for all my valued readers. However, I am very busy and getting ahold of someone with a scanner is problematic, so it'll be a while. I'm wondering, would you guys like a playlist for this? I heard of fanfictions having playlists, and I was thinking of trying it. However, I want the songs to really relate to the story or have some connection. Let's say Fai heard something on the radio, I'd stick that in there. If I like a song for them, I'd probably just refer to it so it gets listed. Any suggestions? Tell me!

Anyway, here's what you were looking for!

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Chapter Three: New Surroundings, Inconsistant Feelings, and Reocurring Thoughts

With his neighbors the stars, the moon watch from his place perched high in the dark sky, content and almost full on the energry of the space/time. Far below walked too men, their legs perfectly in tune as they came to the end of the hill and into Phenix Square.

"We don't have any money," commented Fai in a voice that was almost flat. He had not perked up much since being thrown out of bed, much to the dissaproval of the man beside him. "What are you planning to do?"

"Want to walk on the Riverwalk?" tried Kurogane gruffly.

"No," was the answer.

"Then how about we just walk?" shot the ninja snappishly as they walked past the Phenix Square resturant and the barber shop, pressing the pededtrian button on the pole only to find that it had no effect. Still, both men were perfecly in tune, and when the flow of cars stopped for a few moments they stepped onto the street at the exact same time, crossing over to the bridge on the other side. Fairveiw Street was on the opposite side of Phenix Square as the street the apartment sat on, starting with a bridge and turning as it rose into a sloping hill, huge houses on it's right. Though the houses on one side were large, the road was still not as nice as Wakefield, because, even though they were elegant, the houses were old, including the not-so-nice ones. One street off of Faiveiw held a mixture of okay houses and older ones, sloping downward and then rising a bit. The men walked silently, the street curving and falling downward again, the bottom holding the entrance to an apartment complex on the right and an archway of trees on the left.

The trees streatched over the grass that, in the summer, had been quite tall, like an archway of the deep green that came with the end of August. A slight wind russled the trees, mingling with the sound of the water from the tiny stream starting on the pipe pertruding in a ditch on the side of the street and streatching back under the arms of the trees. It sparked Fai's interest and he instictevely started to walk into the patch of woods.

The path started wide, grassy, the stream on the left, until it seemed the water had eroted away part of the ground and it had dropped away, leaving not a foot of dirt before the first tree. Fai carefully made his way passed, his eyes taking in the way the path wided again and turned into stones, plural, set by humans into a square form streatching out over the steep hill. The stream cascaded down the hill next to the stones, while the right side fell away into a slope of leaves, dirt, and small bits of trash. Slowly, the magician stepped onto the stones, noting the way that the rock had strait lines of cement running across them, as if tracks had been layed there so many years ago. He looked to the left and made out the trash that the waterfall had to deal with on it's way down, wondering why anyone could dumb garbage on such a nice place. He followed the water to a wide river strait ahead, and on the far bank he could just make out a huge block of stones like the one he was standing on, exept it did not fall back into a bank. Fai guessed the river had split into two and that was only a median on an island. When he looked down carefully, making sure not to loose his balance, he saw that, along with the garbage, there were many rocks that lapped the side of the river. Above, the trees framed the sky, shaking hands with the stars.

"It must have been a bridge when the mills were open. Don't they have big out-dated things called locmotives here? I bet they were popular during that time."

Fai did not look away at the sound of Kurogane's voice close behind him. He gave but a nod and slowly sat down, his behind on the top of the step and his feet on the bottom of it, so close to the edge and a near-deadly drop.

"It's okay, I guess...." Kurogane muttered.

However, the Mage wondered what kind of locamotives could have thundered over the bridge, and what the pass had looked like itself during it's life. Who had built it? How had they lived their life? Had they come from a different country, too? Had they spoken another language, like Portuguese? Did the brige fall down or had it been torn down? He voiced all of his wonderings, adding, "It was real people who put their work into it. People who had families to go home to lives so different from the modern norm. It's a part of history and it's sitting her, slowly dying."

"Tch." Kurogane didn't particularly care for history, but he tried to understand. He tried to picture a half-finished structure with men working in the hot summer heat, trying their best to finish the structure so the railroad could continue. Men with families to support and life stories that no one cared about anymore. One of them could have even died making this bridge, and he wouldn't've known the difference. "Hmph."

"What was that?" murmured Fai without looking away from whatever he was concentrating on.

He shifted his weight onto the other knee. "I guess it could be kind of nice back here. For someone like you, at least."

Patting the spot next to him, Fai finally looked up at Kurogane, saying, "Sit down."

He was going to refuse and remain standing, but, remembering his mission, he slolwy got down next to the mage. "You some kind of history buff? I told you before, stop cencentrating on the past."

"Have you noticed that America is different from any country we've been in?" asked the magician, placing his elbows on his knees and his head in his hands. "It's because, here, we have no mission. We have no responisility to anyone but outselves. Life is greedy and care-free. Nobody can do magic. Nobody can hurt anyone else physically without getting in trouble."

"You didn't answer my comment."

"Yes I did. What's wrong with thinking about a past when it doesn't hurt you and you are not dwelling on it?" He looked ar Kurogane, his crystal eyes shining a bit in the dark. Slowly, he smiled, no hint of it being forced. He had no idea why he was smiling, and it was strange, because he had always had some kind of little reason for it, but then he figured out why he was so happy: he was here, in America, with Kurogane.

"Stupid mage," muttered the ninja, looking away as he felt a small warmth come to his cheeks from the way Fai had looked smiling so broadly and so truthfully, like the happiest person in any of the universes. "This is idiotic."

"Probably." Fai almost gasped when he found he had laughed the words, but it just made him worse.

"-The hell?" said Kurogane loudly, standing up fast, suspicious of the other's laughter. Slowly his face softened as his head adjusted, actually enjoying the sound that was Fai D. Flourite's laughter. Then the ninja crossed that idea out that idea from his mind mentally, studying the mage before him as he thought, _No, this is Yuui's laughter. This is that stupid mage without any kind of mask. He finally took it off. He trusts me a bit more. _Kurogane almost started to beam at the thought, until another came into his head. _But he still has his reservations about me. Dammit. Why do I love this fucking retard? Why do I love a mann, god dammit? I'm supposed to serve Princess Tomoyo and her alone, without distractions. I'm supposed to be hers, and hers alone._

Fai's laughter stopped abruptly when the man beside him turned suddenly and strode away hastily without a single glance back of a word of warning. The mage just sat there, staring at the place where the ninja had been, feeling the pain of discouragement and dissapointment in the pit of his stomach. Thought he didn't know it, this was one of the reasons his scars had pained him when Kurogane had tried to get close so fast, because, sometimes, when Fai did something to show a bit more of himself, Kuro did something to hurt him, even if it was unintentionally. When he had smiled for the first time, truely smiled, Kurogane had gone to lenths to make sure to pledge himself to Tomoyo. When Fai had had told the ninja that he didn't want anyone hurt because of his curse, the shinobi had cut him to the bone with sharp words, even if they were ment to be helpful. It seemed the ninja had no sense of what would hurt his mage and what wouldn't.

Fai was forced to walk home alone, even though he stayed on the cliff for at least an our more, silently thinking about things in general. When he stepped through the front foor, Kurogane had been sitting on the counter, staring at the door.

He had thought Fai would simply get up and walk after him, and when it didn't happen he was about to turn around and go back, but that was not in his nature, so he came home and waited, and when minutes turned into hours a slow anger had started to build in his somtach.

"Next time don't wait three fucking hours to come home, dammit!" snapped the black-haired man, his crimson eyes gleaming like rubies in the light that poured in from the open window.

Fai was sick and tired of having to take if from this man, even if his words were only caring. He squared his shoulders "Shut up, bastard!" he said sharply, in a low but effective voice. His eyes held such an intensity that Kurogane stopped dead, a dear in the headlights, headlights that were as icy as an arctic winter and twice and cold. "Where do you get the audacity to just up and walk away and leave me after you told me to come out with you? Next time don't make me go!"

He strode away sharply, closing the bedroom door behind him without a slam, though it he put in more strenth into it then neccissary. He stripped his shirt off angerly and threw it in the general direction of the hamper, and flopped into bed yet again. God, he was sleeping a lot.

_He was dressed in an elaborate garb that consisted of a silken high-necked, royal blue shirt that split in the middle, much like the school uniforms of public schools in this world's Japan, but without the white undershirt or the buttons. Over it, he was draped in a yuukata-like robe without the belt, though it was still closed, this in a pale ice-blue, exept for the hem of the fabric budnling around his bare feet on the ground and the hem of the wide sleeves, which, when drawn up, revealed the long arms of the shirt undernethe, streatching over to cover half his hands, ending in the pale blue of his robe. His hair was undone form it's usual ribbon, flowing aorund his face. He looked around and found he was in a green grassy field that seemed neverending, a endless relm that seemed the drown him in something undecribable._

_Then there were tall shrubs around him, blocking his veiw, only one path ahead of him, borded by flowers and other garden life. He started to hastily down the grass-covered path, which was somehow yellow, turning a corner, paying no mind to the beauty around him. With every twist of the trial, he became more and more distresssed, even kicking into a run at some point, and then he stopped dead as he reached an opening that led to a large circular clearing filled with orange and red flowers, there only being one path marked with yellow-painted grass. That trial led to a large tree in the center of the field, who's branches covered an area that was over sixty feet an diameter, shading a table at which sat a boy his age (at least in this world), fourteen, sharpening a sword. Even the sky was a golden color. But then the boy sitting looked up - Hh god, when he looked up...._

_The eyes that stared into his reflected such an intensity that Fat almost melted right there. In those eyes he saw the garded he had run through, the garden shaped like a large sun. In those eyes he saw Kurogane's fighting spirit, his determination, the heat of his body and his lips, the unforgiving rays which bore down upon some and gently nurtured others. They melted the icy eyes that stared back immediatly, of course, but still he wanted to know this strange, amazing person._

_"Well come over here, retard," snapped the boy. "What the hell are you waiting for?  
And at that, Fai smiled so widely, because he knew that Kurogane, the Kurogane he knew, wouldn't ask someone to join him without a good reason._

"BEEP BEEEP BEEEP BEEP BEEP."

Work.

When he came home, Kurogane was laying on the floor in the parlor, curled under the cheap blankets. Fai sighed and really wished he had some alcahol, because it would make things a lot easier. He was in a bad mood, so he had no problem with saying his dream had screwed his thought process up when it came to the bastard of a ninja named Kurogane.

"Dammit," he murmured uncharacteristically, looking down at the large body on the floor, eyes sweeping over the man's tanned face, his eyebrows, cheeks, the lips that were softer than he had expected. He had never had a problem with admitting he loved Kurogane to himself. In Celes, it did not matter what gender the person whom you were to marry was, as long as you loved them dearly. However, Velera had been a different story; unlike Nihon, where nobody brought up gay marriage because it was already in the back of their heads that it was impossible, Valera verbalized the law loudly and with a harsh disposision. In Nihon, you were to live at the shrine, separate from your partener, and be blessed to have a wife and children and told not to return to your relationship at the price of death, and if you still returned then you could be killed, seprately. However, in Valera, if you dared make it known you were in love with another of the same sex, you were both sent to the pits Fai had lived in, exept without the spell that had kept him alive. Soon they froze, and if not they starved, usually huddled together for warmth, shivering and watching numbly as the boy stacked the dead bodies of other without any care for who they were, eyes only set on freedom and his brother. Laws aside, he'd never had a problem with gay marriage; it was better than having a spouse your parents had picked, one whome you hardly knew; the king of Terrace had tried to set his daughter up with Fai before, but Ashura had not asked for Fai to accept the offer if he didn't want to, and of course the prince declined. He had met her once, just to tell her in person, to tell her not to take offense, but she took it easily and in they end they had laughed and promised to invite the other to their weddings.

When he reflected, it was very odd that he loved Kurogane. They were so incompatable! They were never supposed to meet! Or were they? But still, a mage from the cold lands of Celes and Valera with a ninja from the warm shrines of Nihon? A ninja and a mage. Blue eyes and red. Blonde hair and black. A Pheonix and a dragon. Yin and Yang. Did opposites really attract? No. Because Kuro didn't like Fai in the way the mage wanted, as sure as hell.

He went to bed trying not to think about Kurogane and woke up to the man in question saying, "FAI! PHONE!"

No one ever called. Not even Kelsy. Only Cumberland Farms was open now....

"Hullo?" he asked, not fully awake.

"Fai?" Oh. It was his boss at Bill's. But why did he sound so unhappy?

"Yes?"

"Fai I'm sorry, but a bit of money was stolen from the cash register and I'm afraid you are the only suspect we have since you covered for Cullen the other day. My boss told me to let you go, Fai, to avoid law suits. I'm sorry."

His mouth fell open. "I'm fired?" he asked in disbelief, not paying attention to the look on Kurogane's face.

"I'm afraid so."

"Oh no, I have a rent to pay and telephone bills and heat and water and electricity! I can't be let off!"

"I'm sorry, kid."

Noting the small click that ment the boss had hung up, Fai sighed heavily and closed his eyes as he replaced the telephone, not daring to look Kurogane in the eye, because he was afraid of what he'd see for some reason. He was out of a job and had a reputation as a stealer. Great.

"Why did they fire you?" came Kurogane's voice.

To keep his mind busy, Fai proceeded to take out a cup and turn the tap on with, "There was a bit of money missing from the register and yesterday I covered for someone because they called in sick. So they thought it was me, and to avoid a law suite they just fired me instead." He took a sip of the water, noting a tiny metalic taste which made him dump the rest out; the best water came from Celes, period.

"If that gets reported to the immigration office then we'll be getting a nice talk," muttered Kurogane.

Fai noted that the ninja didn't even say "But you didn't do it, right?"

"Well, since you've got the evening off," the Kuro went on. "How about you come down to the garage and hang out?"

"I have to search for another job," said Fai in an as-a-matter-fact voice, walking away to the bedroom to find something to wear so he could go out job hunting. Already he knew where he would try, the Pheonix Square Resurant down the street. He had never personally been in the place because it had simply never come up, but he thought it looked like a cute little diner, with flower boxes outside and a bench. And while Bill's was on the edge of Pheonix, the diner was right there in the thick of the square, closer to the house, though not as close to Cumberland Farms.

"You can find work tomarrow," Kurogane said. "For the last month you've been working your ass off. Take a break."

Fai looked up from the closet which held clothes for both of them. His dream nagged at him like an annoying child, tugging at the sleeves of his brain. "I work my ass off to keep this apartment," he said a bit sharply. "So do you. The sooner I find another job, the more money we have and the happier the immigration officies. Why would I want to sit around a car shop anyway?"

Kurogane didn't answer, though he walked away. The mage watched him go coldy, a bit happy that he had pissed the ninja off, because he was sick of being thrown around like some rag doll by the man who was supposed to be the closest person to him. He dressed presentably in a pair of faded jeans that were not too baggy and showed the lenth of his long legs, and a button-up white shirt left untucked, with the sleeves rolled up. By the time he had done this, Kurogane had left for work, so the house was quiet has he inspected his hair in the mirror, deciding that Kuro was getting paid soon anyway and it was time for a haircut, since his locks were now starting to resenble the straggly state they had been in so many years ago. The barber was right next to the resturant anyway, so why not?

The barber was a nice man who worked fast, seeming to know exactly what Fai wanted, chatting avidly as he went about the business of cutting his client's hair. They talked about the usual: the weather, the upcoming Lala, the fact that something called Labour Day was the following Monday, their plans for it. It carried them over until the barber was finished and Fai looked in the mirror, noticing he looked almost exactly like he had the day he had left Celes for the Dimensional Witch's shop.

"Thank you," he said, paying for the haircut and giving the man a good five-dollar tip, as advised my Kelsie. Her rule, as a waitress, was tip your hairstylist five dollars, your waiter, and your taxi driver. Your hairstylist could kill your hair, you waiter could spit in your food, and your taxi driver can get you stuck in traffic and therefore raise your bill.

He walked out and to the door of the Phenix Square Resturant, tugging the black-steel and glass door open and then the one beyond that, stepping into the diner. Next to him, against the wall facing the street, booths lined the wall. Diagnally to his left was the non-alcaholic bar, with red-topped stools lined up against the counter. There was an island of booths a bit to his right, and then more along the wall, just as many as Bill's, exept the business was a lot faster at the resurant Fai used to work for. There was an older man sitting at the counter and some eldery woman having lunch against the wall to his left, and then in the corner sat a young lady with her father. Almost all of the surfaces in the place were a dark wood, exept for the old counter and the trunks of the bar stools, which were bolted to the ground like in some old fifties dinrer.

He walked up to the counter and a middle-aged woman came out. Behind the bar were a couple refridgerators and a fountain drink despenser. "Can I talk to someone above you?" Fai asked.

"Well, I _am _the owner," she said. After seeing Fai's surprize and then small ambarassiment, she smiled. "Yes?"

"I just got...well fired from my last job as a waiter because of mis-understanding. I am all-purpose. I can cook, I can serve...." He trailed off, waiting for her answer. This was a small business, so he knew that he'd have a better chance of nabbing a job by being nice and truthful. "I'm renting an apartment with my friend and we both work two shifts to pay for everything."

She sighed. "I can't deny someone who works hard....But I really am full....I ned a busboy though. I could hire you for that. It's low pay, but it's something."

"Sure!" he said immediatly.

"Good. You've got breakfast shift. Come in a bit before eight, okay? I'm counting on you to drag some new customers into this place with your charm." She laughed a bit, her laugh lines showing. "You're clean right? No drugs, no history of violence?"

He sighed. "Well, I was fired because some money went missing and they think it was me." She raised a brow suspiciously, telling him he wasn't helping his case. "I swear I didn't do it. It was a big misunderstanding."

"Well, if anything goes missing I'm not going to give you the benefit of the doubt, okay?" Then her face brightened as she said with a laugh, waving a dish towel at him, "Now get outta here and come back tomarrow morning!"

He laughed and did as he was told, smiling to himself. A fake smile could do wonders on people who did not care. Too bad the man he wanted them to work on had figured it out.

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P.S - His dream was inspired by a song by Panic! At the Disco. And I couldn't get Fai's anger right after he gets home from the cliff; I kept writing it like he was some concieted girl and a pouty child taking a temper tantrum. And the cliff is a real place, too. Everything mentioned about West Warwick is as true as I can make it without visiting or living there.


	4. New Games

Author Notes:

Kelsie's always been just a random character, right? Well prepare for some angst! What's a Tsubasa fanfic without angst?

Somehow, the song "Shadows" by Red inspired some of this. Don't ask how. And Bring me to Life by Evanescence, but that's understandable, right?

Remember that playlist? I decided to go ahead with it, even if it is a bit ambitous. The "Why?" for each song is after the chapter, if you're curious. The playlist can be found at: playlist .com/playlist/17809484043/standalone

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Chapter Four: New Games

He left the garage and crossed the entrance to Wakefield street, passing the fire station and continueing down the sidewalk. There was only one other street to cross before the road split, dipping into the road that intersected the square by the barber shop, pulling up into a hill on whic h sat a church before it also sloped downward on the other side of the garage next to the Pheonixe Square Restuart, meeting the road on which sat Kurogane's apartment at a ninety degree angle. He took the one which passed the church and then turned right, walking up the hill and stopping at the old apartment, walking in up stairs.

Fai's sweet laughter floated in from the other room, and immediatly Kurogane's movements became silent as he closed the door and listened.

"Yes, I guess you're right. It is comprimising." The mage chuckled again from the living room "But I can tell you that we do not share that bed, and there is nothing between Kurogane and I. We're simply sharing this apartment until we come into money."

Kelsie's laughter drifted into the kitchen. "It's not like I really care anyway. I was just asking. Well, I better get going. My shift starts in, like, ten minutes. I hope they don't work you _too _hard over there. Mabe that little place will actually turn into competition with you're pretty face." She was the kind of person who Kurogane could see calling everyone "Darling" and "Honey" in the future. Kelsie, with all of her smiles her her skimpy-but-not-fully-skankish clothing, always got on his nerves, because there must have been _some _reason why she had hints of bruises hidden here and there, but he saw them when her sleeve caught on something, or the hem of her tank top rode up, or the side of the v-neck she was wearing pulled a bit to one side. There was always the shadow of some kind of injury on her body, and Kurogane didn't like it.

"Oh, hey, Kuro! When did you get here?" She smiled, but Kurogane only leered at her with cold eyes from his place leaning against the sink. Quickly he scanned her for some new abrasion, but her clothes were all in order, so of course there wasn't anything showing.

"Hullo."

"Well, I have to go to Bill's, so I'll leave you two alone." She winked and brushed away her dirty blonde side bangs and therefore the hair framing her face. "Don't be too hard on him, okay? See you 'round."

"Stop getting sick ideas."

She laughed, but then did as she said she would and left. He watched the door for a long time after it closed, then slid his eyes to the entrance of the parlor across the room, immediatly going "Tch."

"What?" said Fai suspicously.

"Come here, idiot," Kurogane said, motioning with his finger. Who had given Fai permission to cut his hair? For some odd reason, Kurogane did not like the old look. He guessed it reminded him of the day he had dropped into the witch's yard and gave a cold stare the man's way, immediatly annoyed with they way his words always got hung up on the other's. Or how bad Fai's lies and secrets had been back then. Or was it the short hair just plain reminded him of the past?

However, something else was tugging at his attention: the way Fai was hesitating. Initially, Fai had gone to take a step forward, but then he had seemed to catch himself and pause, and was giving Kurogane a 'Just tell me what the hell you want' look.

Kuro cocked a brow and snapped, "I'm not going to rape you!"

The blonde muttering something like "Oh, really?" under his breath, but strode across the room to stand right in front of the other, just within arm's reach. However, he soon learned he shouldn't have come so close.

"Ooooow!" he yelled when Kurogane took a handful of his hair and used it to pull him closer with, "What's with the new hairdo? And you got the job, didn't you? I told you to take it easy for a day!"

"Let go!" Fai said loudly. "Let go, bastard!"

Then Kurogane figured it out with a sharp pain, throwing letting the mage before him go with a hard shove. How could he have thought that Fai looked sexy with long hair and his tattoo? Why? And why did it matter if he thought Fai had looked sexy? Hadn't he thrown Nihon and it's policies out the window? Why was it so hard to do that?

"I swear to whatever the hell is up there, if you don't stop acting like a girl who's fucking time of the month it is..." growled the mage as Kurogane started to walk toward the doorway to the living room. Then, before he knew it, Fai had stepped into his path, swung his hand back, and let it fly, a stinging sensation immediatly spreading over Kuro's face as skin met skin with a loud, hard, sharp "SMACK!"

"Bitch slapped!" said Fai with satifaction, smiling his real, evil smile. "Bitch."

"What the hell was that?" growled Kurogane, but deep down he was beaming, because he found Fai's devilish smile sexier than anything else, sexier than the tatto streatching across his back or his long hair. It reminded the ninja of the first real smile he had ever seen from the mage, how ironic it had been that Kurogane actually enjoyed being hit by the other, if it ment they had made up.

Kurogane grabbed the other by the neck of his shirt and bent down a bit, pulling Fai closer so he could growl, "What did you call me, bitch?"

But Fai was frozen at the closeness, his head pulled as far away from the ninja's as possible, and he said nothing for a long time. Being this close was something he dreaded more than anything; it scared him, wracked his nerves, and bore into his concious to ask him the worst questions. Kurogane's smirk started to slowly ebb away at the sight the determind, frightened look on the mage's face, the blue eyes set on something inviable off to the side.

Then, in a almost inaudable whisper, Fai whispered, "Let go."

Kurogane's grip tightened on the white shirt in his grip and he grimanced. "You should know I'll never let go, idiot."

A resentment slowly rose inside Fai's gut, a hate toward all of the lies that Kurogane was putting into his mind, like the thought that mabe Kurogane didn't think of him just as a best friend or a sex buddy. Not that they had ever had sex, but the ninja seemed pretty intent on trying. Was this the second time in days he had cornered him?

"I hate...it. This. You. I hate all of it."

Fai couldn't believe he had just said such a thing...but he had. And it was truth. A hate was filling him, a hate for what Kurogane was doing. Why did the ninja have to make everything so complicated, so horribly, horribly complicated? Why couldn't Kurogane just get over himself and see that the mage was not some kind of sex doll, and that he just wanted things to be simple again, like before? Why couldn't Fai just smile and everyone would think things were all right?

"I don't care. I'll never let go."

But despite his words, Kurogane let Fai go with a shove.

It had been another all-too-quiet night. Fai did his shift at Cumberland Farms and then went home for a quick shower and a change of clothes before heading over to the resturant. Luckily, he got out of the house just before Kurogane woke up.

"You know what a bus boy does, right?"

"Yep."

She smiled. "You've got promise in the resturant business, boy." But her speech was cut short as the bell attached to the door jingled and the first customer of the day walked in, and she had to go to the front counter to wait on him.

Fai's job didn't really begin until the first customer had finished eating. When that occured, he walked out in his apron and bandanna, holding a bucket, about to collect the plates, but he stopped. Sitting at the bar, paying the tab, was a black-haired man with tanned skin and a great build.

Setting his eyes and his shoulders, Fai stode toward the front counter, collecting the plates even though the customer was still there. The man just smirked as he watched the mage load the plates into the bucket with the glass and then turn to walk away.

"Hey, bus boy!"

Fai stopped dead, wanting to punch Kurogane in the face. But he held his temper, and his face, and turned around with a fake smile, the one Kuro hated so much. The ninja didn't have a reply to that, so Fai said, "Yes, sir?"

"Don't you want a tip?" Kurogane held out a couple bills. "Keep it."

Fai took a step forward and snatched away the money with a "Thanks" that was not oozing or dripping sarcasm, but pouring it onto the tiled floor. "I'll remember it." When he turned, he heard a chuckle, and a few moments later the door jingled again.

"Do you know him?" asked the owner as he walked in. "He was so nice. Why were you so rude?"

"Just a little game," Fai said with a smile, putting the dishes into the sink. "I share an apparment with him. We get on each other's nerves, but ultimately we have an understanding."

"Okay. Just make sure to be nice to people you don't know. I don't have to worry about you, though, right? You act like you've worked in the resturant business all your life. And you said you've only worked down the street for a month?"

"Yep." He smiled (fakely). "Though I did know the owner of a cafe in Japan before I came here."

"That must be it," she said, glancing up at the clock. "My regulars should start coming in any minute. I have three or four people who come in on a regular basis. You know, we don't even need a bus boy. You're lucky I hired you."

"I'm very grateful for it," Fai told her, and immediatly she seemed to think he was a very humble and sweet young man. Oh, the wonders a smile and pretty words could achieve...with some people.

"Hey, Kelsy, do you know anyone with a car that's not running too well? I'll get it fixed. I'm not going to pay, but I'll bring it in for them."

"Hmmm...Well, my bug isn't working too well. It's getting louder by the day, but I don't have the money to get the work on it." She paused and then added, "You're planning on using it as an excuse to go to Kuro's work?"

"Not entirely," Fai said into the telephone as he noted down what the needed for food. "He decided to pop in on me at the resturant, so I want to annoy him the same way. Just some friendly competition." LIE. "Hmm...What should I get for produce? I don't each much, but I don't feel like suffering from malnutrition." Again.

"Strawberries are good," she said, and then she said hyperactively, "OMFG they're awesome if you buy Pillsbury fudge frostine and dip them in it. Heeeaven!" she sang.

Inferring that he should know what OMFG ment, he didn't ask, but only said, "I'll try that."

"Watermelon is always good."

"Hmm." He said, writing Watermelon? below Strawberries + Fudge.

There was beep, as if someone had texted her, and she said, "I have to go. I'll talk to you another time, okay? Love you."

Fai froze for a moment, but then he thought of how much like Kelsy it was to say that to a friend. "Love you too. Bye."

"Bye."

"Who was that?"

"Oh, Kuro!" He smiled fakely automatically, but soon saw it wasn't amusing to the ninja. He turned back to his list, which sat on the kitchen counter, and pretended to write something else down. "That was just Kelsy. I was asking her what I should buy since you get paid today."

"Sounded a lot like something else," came the snap. "What's with the 'I love you too' crap?"

What Pained Kurogane was the fact that Fai had never said anything close to "I love you". Vaguely Kurogane thought Fai might have complimented him somewhere along, but it was jokingly or sarcastically. It had taken all of the strenth he possessed to keep himself from knocking the poor door down upon hearing the words "Love you."

Suddenly Fai got a wicked idea, and he turned around with one of his horribly real but scary smiles. However, it was different from his happy smile, and immediatly Kurogane's heart dropped into his stomach. "She's my girlfriend. Of course I'd say that to my girlfriend. Now are we going shopping or not? And we still have to talk about our plans for the lala."

"Go shopping yourself," snapped the ninja. "No, fuck that shit, take that bitch Kesly. And while your at it, get yourself killed at the fucking carveval."

It was going to be another uncomfortably quiet night for Kurogane, though Fai was content with himself and his ability to piss the ninja off. And just so he could piss Kuro off a bit more, he left a note on the counter that morning telling the other he'd be out with Kelsie when the mechanic got off of work, so not to worry about him. Fai would have walked to the resturant without an umbrella, but it would be invonvenient to work while soaked, so be brought the large of the two they owned, coming very close to hiding the other from Kurogane. Later, he wished he had. Why was he so nice?

The bell tinked as someone stepped in, and the owner went out to greet him. At the sound of the voice that answered, Fai almost moaned, but he knew it was his place in this game to go meet the big brute before he left. So when the ninja was finished, Fai walked out to collect the dishes.

"Back again, sir?" he said with a large, fake smile as he took ahold of a large plate and placed it into his rectangular bucket.

"Yep," said Kurogane with a smirk. "It's nice here. I expecially like the bus boy."

"You're too kind," Fai laughed, though it was absolutely fake. He knew his act had changed up from the day before, but he decided that from now on he'd stick with this one. He leaned over the counter flirtatiously.

"I know someone who looks just like you. Exept he's hard-headed and used to be suicidal." Kurogane smirk turned into a smile. He had been up all night, and somewhere along they way it had come to this, coming here to make up with Fai, because as much as it hurt him for Fai to have a girlfriend, it pained him much more for the mage to have a girlfriend and hate him at the same time. As soon as he had heard the word "girlfriend", Kurogane's mind had gone blank with anger and his heart had felt dead in his chest, choking him. The whole night he had felt horrible, and by morning he had vowed to try and go back to his plan of acting nicer and calmer. "And I have to put up with way too much from him, but I know that sometimes I act like he's a normal person when I shouldn't. He's not...and I'm going to have to explain some things tonight."

For some reason, those words frightened Fai beyond belief. The whole morning, as he loaded plates and feined smiles for the elderly woman who commented on his looks and the old man who asked him how life was going, all that he could think of were the ways Kuro could "explain" whatever "things" were. Fai felt like a pervert, but with Kurogane, those two words could mean anything, and he was afraid they had something to do with sex. Was that all that was ever on Kuro's mind? How to use the mage for sex or get angry with him?

After work, Fai didn't know what to do with himself. It was still pouring and he did not have a date with Kelsy, plus he couldn't go home in case Kurogane somehow went back there; Oh god, or whatever was up there, that'd be horrible. Him. And Kurogane. Alone. After that comment. With Kuro in a bad mood. The only place the mage could think of was the cliff, so he set off down there without thinking. To him, it was ironic that he was running from Ashura anymore, but Kurogane, the one man who had given him the strenth to face the king of Celes.

It was somehow magical, though, the way the car's headlights shined off of the pavement, the way the roars of their engines were overridden by the constant "Spaash, spaaash" as tires tred on water, the way the rain tapped on his umbrella, asking for entrance. The trees seemed to creek tiredly as he enterred the corridor of trees, the sound of water seeming to reverberate around him.

He put his feet on the very edge of the cliff, unafraid of the impending drop or the threat of death, looking down upon the angry grey waters that roared past, the banks swollen with new water. Suddenly, Fai felt very lost. He didn't know what to do with himself. To keep himself busy for but a moment longer, he folded his umbrella, but then the impeding depression pounced upon him, and it was all he could do to keep himself from just falling onto the last step, moving his foot forward and dying. What else was there left for him? If it took almost nothing for him to turn back to his old ways, why not just die? Kurogane just wanted him for sex, the kids were home, living happily, and Kelsy could care less....

He stood there, in a frozen, dead-like state for hours, just staring down like some beautiful doll, eyes glazed over. His hair became plastered to his face, his clothes hung heavily from his body. His heart felt dead in his chest. He trusted Kurogane with his life, with his being, with his whole self, because his ninja had always pretected him, but now did the other just want him for fun, now that they had no quest, no more reason to be together? Was this what it was going to come down to? Numbness has started to seep into his bones again, but it was no longer the same as before, this numbness _hurt._ It was as if his soul was seeping back into into a cold place, unreachable, but this time he was getting frostbite. Because, for the first time in so long, he had been thawed all the way through and had thought that he wouldn't have to go back. The drop wasn't so far. It would be over before he could think about it, if he aimed right.

He stepped down, and the real cliff stood before him, unadultuated, unrated. Just there. Waiting. Not caring wheather he lived or died. Would it be bloody? Would he scream? Would it hurt? How long had be standing out there? His clothes were fully and absolutely soaked, the white shirt he had worn the day before, the one he had used for a uniform at Bill's, was plastered to his back, his tattoo plainly visable. His hair was clinging to his head, his black pants were weighing him down. He was cold and drench, and he did not know when, but he had started to shiver a bit. Still, he was in a horrible emotional pain.

He placed his toes at the egde of the cliff. "I trust you with my life," he murmured aloud. A hope sparked in his stomach from the embers that had rejected the ice. "Come on. Save me."

"FAI!" came a sharp voice, so loud it made the one in question jump in surprize, but he was all too close to the empending drop. Kurogane's voice turned from accusing to begging from one verse of the name to the next, as he bolted forward as fast as he could. And for the milesecond he had to think, the only thing going throught Fai D. Fourite's mind was, "He came. He'll save me."

**********************************************************************************************

P.S - OMFG! CLIFFHANGER! (Litterally) It's fun imaging/give Kelsie the Rhode Island accent. I was talking to my pen pal about it, and she didn't even notice she had it until someone pointed it out to her. Like she said she was watching a local telephon, and they had Dolly Partan on live from Europe, and she said she noticed that she turned the O into more of an A sound and the R was almost non-existant. However, it's kind of hard to right that in without it looking weird, so I really can't.

**Playlist Song List So Far:**

_When the Day Met the Night by Panic! at the Disco:_

It inspired one of Fai's dreams, and I think it has a lot of symbolism for these two. Plain and simple.

_Not Meant to Be by Theory of a Dead Man:_

"One step forward and two steps back," is pretty much the theme so far, when you look at this fanfic. No matter how hard Kurogane tries, he always screws up somehow in Fai's mind, and he is making no progress. Actually, he's going backwards.

"Never enough to say I care." No matter how much Kuro tries to suck up his pride and says "Aight, I care, dude" Fai seems to think he's messing around. He's in denial, which leads to the line "No matter what I do, you's always mad."

_I'll Meet You There by Owl City:_

"I'll meet you there" referrs to the cliff that they found. If I explained some of the other lines, there would spoilers.

_Bring Me To Life by Evanescance:_

This song is absofuckinglutely perfect for them. The whole "My spirit is sleeping somewhere cold" line is dementrated in the end of the this chapter, with the "Save me" theme, with the "Call my name."

_Shadows by Red:_

It inspired me a lot for this particular chapter for some reason. "All these lies" can referr to what Fai thinks is Kurogane lying to get him in bed. And the "Hate inside of me like some kind of master" is the feelings Fai feels at some points when he thinks about how horrible Kurogane is being. Kuro-pon himself even says "I'll never let go," which is a direct quote from the song. Many of the other lines will be explained next chapter.

_Soulmate by Natasha Bendingfield:_

In previous chapters, Fai is talking about how incompatable they are, which is spoken about in the song. Kurogane loves Fai without being told, though Fai feels so very alone. Also, "Here we are again, Circles never end" matches up with the way Fai keeps having to feel like Kuro only wants him for smex.

_My Immortal by Evanecance:_

Another song that is absofuckinglutely perfect for Fai, one of three actually. Kuro has "all of" Fai. He's "held his hand" by helping him through everything. He's "Wiped away his tears" by helping him when he needs it. Kurogane kills Ashura, "Fighting away all of his fears".

_How to Save a Life by The Fray:_

The third in final song in the "Absofuckinglutely" series, and one of the most fitting. This song will come in handy later.

THE PLAYLIST: playlist .com/playlist/17809484043/standalone

For KuroFai Manga Music Videos for My Immortal, How to Save a Life, and Bring Me to Life, please visit: youtube .com/user/xFadingLaughterx


	5. New Pain

He hadn't come.

He hadn't come.

He hadn't come.

Though it screamed in pain and protest, Fai hardly noticed his arm, which was turned at an odd angle. The only reason he was alive was because, in the last milisecond of time he had had left, he had been able to outstreatch and arm, trying to use one hand to balance himself so he could throw himself onto his feet. Unfortunatly, he had been just a tad bit late in timing and a bit off in calucation, resulting in his broken arm. Now he sat in a dull, painful daze, soaked in a pool of water and rocks which bit into him at painful angles. His heart felt as if it had been torn completely from his chest, just like his eye had been gouged from it's socket.

Then he heard rustling above, scrambling and then a loud, "Fai!"

He looked up and before he could stop it, a fake smile had planted itself on his lips. However, the pain still made him sweat coldy, and his face was pure white, giving him a clammy appearance. "Just a broken arm, Kuro-poo!"

Kurogane, who was splattered with mud, growled and snapped over enthusiastically, "BROKEN ARM MY ASS!"

Fai was about to chuckle, but a horrid pain shot through his chest. Mabe it wasn't just his leg afterall. "And a cracked rib," he murmured, trying to re-think the rate at which he had slammed into the ground after his arm had snapped, and where. He remembered a sickening crack and then his support being gone, slamming into the rocks with a horrible thunk, the stones shifing noisily.

"See?" Kurogane scrambled to the slope to the side, the land sliding downhill like a escalator for him. Stones and debree fell into the riverbed, though the constant calming "Shhhhhh" of the rain on the leaves overrode the sound. Kuro rushed over, a hard expression on his features.

"What?" said Fai, acting a bit pouty. "Not bloody enough for you?" It was so sick how he could act totally childish when his heart was on the verge of quitting and walking out on him, tired of being frozen and injured and drugged up on numbing hormones. It was tired of being, angry, too, because who wouldn't be after his past? It was a pain so much harder to take than the physical, more real than anything. He was in a daze, unable to think because of his distress.

Kurogane's hard look turned to pure granite. "Knock it off," he snarled.

"Knock what off, Ku-" But before he could finish the flat palm of Kurogane's tanned hand had come into contacted with Fai's head, knocking the lithe man onto his injured side, sending a new wave of pain flying through him, causing his muscles to tense and a small "Ngh" to excape him dispite his best efforts. He wanted to knock Kurogane's teeth out at that moment, though he just let himself sit there, doubled over, cradling his broken arm.

"Stop acting like we're fucking strangers, bastard," he growled. "You haven't even asked why I didn't catch you."

Fai, who's face had been shaded by his hair, looked up, his eyes pure ice. However he gave Kurogane not a single word for an answer, only the ice that refused to bow under the hot flames of the fire turned on them.

"You have to be the most idiotic moron I've ever met," snarled Kurogane.

"I don't need you to-" Fai said in the fiercest voice in could muster, but he was still a clamy mess.

Kurogane cut him off with, "How the fuck are you supposed to heal?" His voice was fierce and demanding. "We don't have money for hospital bills, no insurance, and guess what? I'm not a doctor!"

"Shut up!" Fai finally snapped.

"No!" Kurogane roared. "You need to get out of this slump! I don't want you turning suicidal on me again!"

Fai glared at him deeply, unable to come up with a comeback. His eyes, stony ice, shot a menacing aura. "Screw."

Knowing that this was getting them nowhere fast, the ninja wanted to cool himself off but he couldn't. "We'll it's been a couple years, but if you want it that fucking badly-"

"I'm going home, jackass." Fai had pulled into a calm state, though inside he was burning with rage and hurt.

"Yeah, I'm going to walk down the street with you like that-" Fai had already written a few small symbols in the air with a look Kurogane couldn't decipher in his eyes. "Do I look hurt to you now? No. So screw and let me go home." He was surprized at how normal Fai looked until suddenly Kurogane's attention was drawn away when a red drop of blood appead out of nowhere and landed in the water, dispersing. Then his fiery eyes were set on the mage again and he snapped, "Take the stupid thing down!"

"What thing?" Fai said innocently, happy he was angering the ninja further.

"The shield, or whatever the hell it is!" Kurogane's anger flared into a fire as he saw the water turning a dull pink. Not good.

"But-"

"NOW, or I'll start feeling you for blood!"

Fai studied him carefully, eyes narrowed. "You wouldn't," he challenged.

"I would." Before Fai could stop him, the ninja had already started probing up his arm, his strong, calloused hands moving slowly up his cold, damp, pale skin slowly. At first the mage was about to pull away, and Kurogane had felt this, but he kept a firm grip on that small but powerful arm and Fai decided to just let him search, since he wouldn't find the gash in his head that was making him woozy now.

Pulling away and finding his hands clean, Kurogane took up his best friend's other arm sharply and didn't even care it was the broken one; Fai would be fine: he wasn't glass, he wouldn't break.

He was sitting on a wet rock, and the damp was seeping through his pants, but he hardly felt it as he came to the point where the bone was broken and tugging hard on Fai's perfect skin. "Well that doesn't look like a clean break," mused the ninja.

"Well mabe you should stop groping me," the mage muttered, and his look told Kurogane he was dead sirious.

"Well mabe you should take down your shield," snapped the other, and how ironic that statement was that Fai chuckled a bit sarcastically while Kurogane only made a "tch."

"I want to go home," Fai told him.

The ninja looked at him and saw that his friend was a bit woozy, and figured if he could get Fai home it would be best. Mabe at their apartment he'd heal himself or something. "Fine."

It was a long walk back up the slope and down the road home. Kurogane, despite himself, offered a hand up that hill more than once, but Fai surpriingly refused with it, "I know Kuro-poo likes holding my hand, but I'd rather do this myself."

"Tch."

He knew Fai could, but not as easily with an arm and ribs and who-knows-what-else out for the count. He wondered if the normal, unpained look on the mage's face was because of that magic shit or his acting, and weather he was really walking as normally under that cloak, but he dared not ask because, as a rule, you didn't as Fai D. Flourite if he's alright.

Leaving Pheonix and nearing their house, their hands bumped together, and before the blonde could move it Kurogane had laced their fingers together tightly. He saw a small, pained smile creep onto the mage's face out of the corner of his eye and wondered what Fai was thinking, but, as always, it was a mystery.

The ninja let them in and he made to help his companion, but he was given the evil eye and he was left befuddled as the blonde made his way up the stairs. Was Fai still angry? After Kurogane had pushed the house door open, the blonde spoke for the first time since getting away from the bridge end. "I'm going to re-set my arm."

"You're never going to be the same," Kurogane reminded him. "It's screwed up on the broken end."

The mage went to the other room without another word and Kurogane grumbled under his breath before walking after him hastily. "You better heal yourself. I don't care if you can't."

"If I can't, I can't," murmured the mage as he went into the bathroom and sat on the toilet seat cover.

"You can't even set an arm yourself!" The ninja was loosing his temper. "What the hell do you think you're doing? You don't know!"

It was as if he'd finally pushed Fai off a cliff. He glared at his partner for a long time. "Look. I'm useless at this shit, okay? I'm destructive. I can't do anything good with my magic. So what the hell do you expect me to do?"

Swallowing thickly, Kurogane thought for a minute with his jaw set and his brows furrowed, red eyes glared at the ground as if to set it to flames. "Is there anything you're not telling me about this healing business?"

He couldn't keep any more secrets from the one person who dared to care. Sighing, Fai murmured, "You have to care...I never cared, so I was never able to.....But it's 95% your own magic."

Kurogane was already two inches away from his face, glaring into him. "If you're rib decides to pierce that screwy heart of yours and you fucking die I will not forgive you." Fai swallowed thickly, but he saw something in those eyes.... "I'm not loosing anying," the ninja growled. "I won't. I don't care if you could give a damn; I do."

There was a small moment of silence during which Fai had been unable to look at Kurogane and had turned his gaze to the ground. "You know, being the son of a priestess, and being so you, you probably have more healing powers than I do."

He raised a brow. "I doubt that." "Give me your hands." Begrudgingly, Kurogane let the mage hold them. Fai let go of his bad arm and took the right hand first, groping the ninja's palms with his good thumb. "In Celes, there's a saying that healing and pain both come from the touch of a single hand," he murmured grimly.

"Well it's true, I guess."

Fai turned over Kurogane's large, warm hand in his and looked at his main artery. "Well that's a good sign. A large vein indicates magic. And I felt it."

"You act like this is some kind of sciene," muttered the ninja. "How the hell do I use this shit, anyway."

Shifting, but then wincing at the always-present pain, Fai decided it wasn't okay to shrug. "I've heard some people don't have to write spells. That's how Celes citizens did it. It's different for every world. Magic is a bit different everywhere you go. Mostly, you have to believe. That's about it." He found Kurogane was looking strait into his eyes, and it surprized him. He was looking for a truth. "Yes, I do think you have it. More than I ever will."

"Cough up the arm."

"That's impossible," Fai murmured, moving his arm painfully so Kurogane could do what he wanted.

"I'm going to set it at least and well...yeah. It's gonna hurt." He took Fai's pale, cold, wet arm in his large, tan, warm hands and proceeded to feel were the bone was broken, in three places, and started aligning them with intent to fix.

"If your not as rough, mabe you'd do some good," muttered the mage. "One common trait: healing is calm, flowing movements."

"Shut the fuck up." But Fai felt his grip lessen, his hands pause in the midst of thought. Then, as one hand held him at the elbow, hot fingers trailed down his cold inner arm almost sensually. And that's when he felt it. Little threads, diving into his skin, repairing him like stiches, but less painful.

"Siriously, if you do that on my ribs, I think I'll get goosebumps," Fai murmured down at his arm, which was now being trailed over by tanned fingers. His head snapped up, and he looked strait at Kurogane.

"Good." Kurogane's canine smile was there, wolf-like, cunning. "Mabe you'll get a boner."

"Get your head out of the gutter," the blonde snapped, slapping the ninja upside the head with his good hand. But then he trailed his fingers down Kurogane's arm and smiled slyly. "Because you'll loose anyway."

"Is your arm better?" the ninja snapped, but Fai cought the goodbumps on his tanned skin. He wondered what would happen if he had healing powers, and the ninja felt the threads; how would the big bad wolf react to that?

Fai retook his arm and turned it and bent it this way and that before looking at the healer. "Nice clean-up job."

"Shirt, off, now," he snapped, but it was hard to miss the red creeping into his ears. It seemed gloating about his physical powers was okay, but something abnormal, mental, something thought off as "un-tough" was not.

"And you expect that to work with 3 broken ribs, now?"

"You got here, didn't you?" Kurogane snapped. He was being nice, Fai had noticed, but still he knew the blonde wouldn't break that easy. He was still tough love, still Kurogane. "I think you can take your shirt off yourself."

"Of course, Kuro-sexy."

Wiggling as less as possible, he lifted his soaked shirt over his head and flung it to the floor, not noticing the way Kurogane adverted his eyes out of respect because he was in too much pain. He almost gasped when a warm hand landed on his side. Oh god, that warmth....It almost hurt. He cringed a bit, oblivious to the fact Kurogane saw it. That ninja saw everything, though, but thankfully let it slide half the time. Looking away, the mage tried not to think about the other's warm, caring touch....He couldn't take was with him? He couldn't take a harsh Kurogane, he couldn't take a kind Kurogane....he was a selfish brat who didn't know what he wanted....And there was that thread, not only pulling his bones back together, but always pulling him toward that ninja more than anyone, always attaching them at the hip.

"Ah crap!" The ninja had prodded him hard between his still-cracked ribs.

"Oops," he smirked, revealing that fact that had been on purpose. But he was almost happy, because that caress was too warm to take."Masochist," muttered Kurogane under his breath.

"I would be," Fai said softly with an odd smile. Then he told the ninja louder, " I think your done."

When the other's hand lingered on his side, and then his fingers trailed downward only a little bit, Fai was ready to turn into a hissing, spitting cat out of fear, but he saw something it those red eyes...was Kurogane testing him? Was he, yet again, seeing strait through him and figuring it out?

"You're a really screwed up bastard," snapped Fai as he snatched up a towel and started away. But of course the ninja saw how unsteady he had been after standing so fast, and cought him by the arm, snarling, "You're loosing blood. You still have the mask up." Damn that smartass. Fai glared at him for a few moments before scribbling a symbol into the air.

God damn magic. Kurogane saw the real Fai, still soaking, his pants sticking to him and his body covered in bumps, bruises, and scratches. His face had a large scrape on the cheek, and the right side of his head was a bloody mess, red dripping down his face.

"You're only touching my head," Fai snapped, sitting back down on the toilet seat. For once, it seemed Kurogane would comply, as he started to message his head, and finding the gash he held the blonde's head in his strong hands, making the mage look at him as the strings tied his scalp back together. He was searching for some sort of emotion, but just because of that the mage looked at him dully. A moment later, Fai took his towel up again and walked away with, "Thanks, Kuro-pon!"

"Of course," muttered the ninja sourly.

God dammit, Fai was such a-!

* * *

Later, Kurogane and Fai bumped into each other in the kitches, despite the mage's best efforts. He gulped as soon as he saw Kurogane, who glared at him hard.

Fai became uncomfortable under the other man's gaze, but still the nagging question that had flashed through his mind near the end of his healing fell from his lips: "Kurogane, do you ever have thoughts of wanting sex from me?"

Kurogane grew stiff, making sure to remind himself mentally over and over, "Be gentle, be kind, be caring. Gentle. Kind. Caring." He was a bit mad at how obvious the answer to that question was, but he made himself forget his anger. "Of course I want to....love you."

Fai's eyes looked anywhere but at the ninja. "But do you want sex."

"I want to make love. When you're ready, idiot." Gentle. Kind. Caring. Fondness. His voice shown all of those, right?

Fai's eyes narrowed, suddenly looking right at Kurogane. "Stop using pretty words! Sex is sex. End of story!"

The ninja looked down on him cooly, his temper bottled in the bit of his stomach like a lead weight. Quietly he asked, "Mage, do you really think that? Do you really think that something that scares you so badly is so simple?"

"Why are there prostitutes?" Fai challenged.

"Because they choose to make sex what they want it to be," Kurogane said, his voice a little more menacing, a little louder. "And if you think that way, you mite as well be one! You're scared I'm going to treat you as a prositute, but you have the same mind set! I think that if two people really love each other, sex is trust and love and cherishing the other one. That's what I was brought up on. I would think it would be even moreso for two men, since they're breaking all the rules." He hated to admit he was gay. Coming form Nihon, it degraded him, so, unconsciously, he'd tried to not see it as too men, even though that was absolutely impossible, because Fai might have had a pretty face, but he was not girly.

Fai didn't know what to think. His mind was in a flurry and his stomach would not stop flipping. The stress of the last month was slowly crushing him. He didn't want to make Kurogane angry, but he couldn't help but listen to that little voice in the back of his head.

"I'm going to be working till closing at the garage tomarrow night so we can have fun at the Lala, okay?" Kurogane turned around and took something from one of the bags on the counter, putting one on top of the other, and shoving it into Fai's arms. As he walked away, he said, "Don't go suicidal on me again, mage!'

Fai looked down to find a plastic container of strawberries and a fat cilinder of delux fudge icing settling on top of it. Slowly he set them back onto the counter, opening the other plastic bags to see what else Kurogane had bought, hoping for alcahol. Watermelon. Milk. Cereal. Choclate cake mix. Eggs. Oil. Bread. Peanutbutter. Apples. Chicken.

Smiling to himself, Fai fished out the only mixing bowl they owner and set to work making the chocolate cake. He listened as the shower was turned on and then turned off fiteen minutes later, five minutes late. Only a small while later did all movement in the house quit exept for Fai, who was putting his cake in the oven to bake. While it did so, he watched the clock, noting he had to go to work in a few hours. While the cake was baking he went to his room to change into his Cumberland Farms shirt, which had been switched for baige recently. Beside the bed, Kurogane was sleeping.

The cake came out perfect, and Fai was soon icing it, though he had wanted to save the frosting for his strawberries. That sparked an idea, and he was soon chopping up the berries and some watermelon to put expertly on the confection. By the time he had to go to work, it looked as if he had gone to the local bakery or grocery store and bought a cake.

Quickly he scrawled a note:

_Have a nice day, Kurger Burger. Hope you like chocolate, because thanks to you there's no alcahol in the house. What were you thinking, buying cake mix, eggs, and oil isntead of liquor? Did you _NOT _see the way I underlined "BOOZE"?_

_You're most important person (I wish),_

All there was for a signiture was a quick drawing of a large cat.


	6. Another Disagreement

Not much to say but REVEIW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

* * *

"You look like you're having fun," grumbled Kurogane as they walked from the ride they had just been on, called the Round Up. He hadn't hated it, but it wasn't his favorite thing in the world.

"Well of course I am!" laughed Fai. "I'm with you, doing something new, without a single care in the world."

Catching the way two girls looked at him and Fai, Kurogane grimanced a bit, unaware that Fai had cought it. "What was that?"

"What are the gay policies in this world?" Kurogane muttered almost inaudably under the din of the crowd. "Two girls just gave us weird looks. And earlier I saw a man raise his eyebrows at us."

Fai rolled his eyes. "If there was a law against it, we'd be in jail by now, idiot." He toss the ninja one of his wicked smiles, though it vanished in a flash. "How much money do we hae left? I want to try that!" He pointed to the sign on the consession trailer. "Have you ever heard of cotton candy?"

"Nothing since you bought those stupid glasses!"

For effect, the mage pulled the blinking plastic shudder shades down over his face. "They're awesome!"

As they started away, Kurogane snapped, "Stop sounding like Kelsy!"

Fai stuck his tongue out at him like a little kid and laughed, pushing the glasses back onto his head. "Don't blame me because your boss wouldn't give you extra hours."

"Shaddup, moron!"

However stoic or aggrivated he acted, Kurogane was happy. Fai seemed to be in bliss, so much so his eyes shined with life, blue crystals in the night. He was all smiles, all laughs; it must have felt amazing to him to be so care free for once. No Ashura. No Fai. No kids. No feathers. Just a new world, a new start, and his best man (or so Kurogane hoped) beside him. His hair shined under the lights, and along with his eyes and everything else about him, the mage looked amazing. Girls were checking him out, Kuro saw, until they noticed the ninja beside him.

Fai looked down at his watch. "Crap. I have to be at Cumbies in half an hour...."

It was only ten-thirty. They had come down to the festivities only a small while after it had gotten dark, and unlike many of the teenagers they would not be able to stay until the wee hours of the morning.

"Well, let's start heading out then, " Kuro said.

Fai sighed. "Fine...."

They unconciously started to toward the entrance to the lot, next to the liquor store. Kurogane hadn't let Fai have a single drink, much to the mage's annoyance. He hadn't even allowed himself any alcahol, for his own reasons. "Why do you like this so much?" Kurogane snapped.

"There's energy in the air. Celes did have a sense of community, but we had only one festival a year and I wasn't even allowed to it. No royal was. Here there's the energy of everyone, and with the music and the rides and the lights - it's exillarating. Celes couldn't have anything like this."

Kuro scroffed as they found their way onto the sidewalk. "Look at those things." He flicked a thumb back toward the carneval. "They're buckets of bolts. They're hardly safe."

Fai shrugged. "Did they have any festivals in Nihon?"

"Yeah, but ninjas couldn't attend - they had to watch the royals to the best of their abilities. Parties have never been high on my list anyway. They're stupid."

"If you say so, Kuro."

They walked through Pheonix and to Cumbies in silence. Once there, Fai procrastinated. "I still have ten minutes left," he said. The music from the feast could be heard, muffled in the air.

Kurogane didn't feel like standing outside with Fai more than he had to. Thankfully, their predicament seemed mabe a bit more natural, because not as many people looked their way with any concern. He opened the glass and metal door and shoved Fai in with, "I need sleep. Go."

"Bastard!" Fai stuck up his middle finger through the door and walked away, but Kurogane was too busy glaring at a teenage kid you dared give him a weird look. The truth was, Fai was striding away from that glare.

Starting home, the ninja spotted Kelsy walking with some friends across the street. He amost gawked at the large bruise that lay on her cheek, visable to the world. And from across the road he heard her say, "I was watching my little cousin and he threw his toy fire truck at me. Hurt like hell!"

"Liar," muttered Kurogane under his breath and he turned off onto his street, knowing he'd have to stop the abuse soon. He'd noticed it, so it was hise job to do something about it, but didn't have to like it. He wasn't a fucking charity.

Fai heard someone come in, though he was too tired to think. A few moments later he heard a few other noises, and subconciously decided it was time to get up. Moving gracefully to his feet, Fai tiredly yawned and stumbled into the kitchen, where Kurogane was standing against the counter, a piece of chocolate cake placed on one of their two plates. He hesitated.

"Hey." The ninga stabbed a piece of fruit and ate it.

"Mm." Fai moved to the fridge and tiredly helped himself to some cake, too, standing next to the ninja. "So how was work?" It was early evening, and it wasn't even dark yet.

Kurogane rolled his eyes a swallowed. "Boring as ever. They keep nagging because I don't say 'Welcome to Taco Bell, may I take your order.' Hey, why are you laughing, jerk!"

"Because," Fai laughed. "The notion of you working at a fast food place and saying 'Welcome' and 'may I' is unimaginable!He took a bite of his cake, but halfway through he burst into a fit. "I - I don't even know why you wanted to - to work there! And I'm the idiot?"

"Shut up," Kurogane barked. "And at least I'm not the one who has chocolate on my face."

Before Fai could push him away, Kurogane had jumped on the chance for physical contact. He left his dinner on the counter and took ahold if the mage's chin and hair, the chocolate gone in two swift licks. Fai's eyes were tightly closed and he tensed on the contact, dropping his plate with a loud crash. His heart ached a bit, but to his horror his body was reacting. He refused to open his eyes, because he could feel the hot breath of his face that ment Kurogane was still too close. It was erotic, but the mage cursed erotic.

However, Kuro's look was not menacing or lustful. He was smiling a small bit, because although his favorite mage had cringed, winced, and even dropped a plate at the contact, he had not utttered a single harsh word or given him that horrible scared look.

"Stop it," Fai snarled, eyelids still pressed together. "I told you I'm not ready."

Not one to apoligize, Kurogane just snapped, "I'll love you if I want, how I want."

"Yeah, just not in public," Fai shot. "I'm not blind, deaf and dumb, Kurogane! There isn't a law against us here, so why are you so embarassed to be with me? Every time you cringe you give that little voice in my head a reason to pop back up! It says, 'Does he really love you? Why would be ashamed of you if he loved you?'"

"I'm still getting used to this, dumbass!" the ninja retorted. "Never in a million years did I think I'd love another man! I thought I'd grow up a ninja, get permission to marry, and have a normal family!"

"So I'm abnormal? What am I? A freakshow?" He took a stepbackward and winced hard as a shard of glass cut into his foot. "I'm sick of having to tell you how to love me. I'm done! Figure it out yourself, jackass." He strode away, limping.

"Do I do anything right?" Kurogane growled, bending down to pick up the glass. He wished he could cut himself on it and Fai would have to come back weather he liked it or not, just for a sip, because the scent of Kurogane's blood would be too much to bear. Then he would feel wanted, needed, _something._

The next month passed in a dull, numb stupor. Fai was more drawn than usual, throwing himself into his work at the diner and soon becoming a full-time waiter. Kurogane started to work on getting a license to drive, though he still put away money every month for Fai's iPod. Sometimes he would come home later in the evening to find Fai up with Kelsy, and every day her smile seemed to grow a bit more plastic, exept when she was with the mage...something about him made her real.

Kurogane watched her closely all September, though he never actually said anything, because he thought Fai had finally figured it out. In the pit of his stomach he didn't want the stupid dirty-blonde teenager hanging around, but he shut his mouth for her own good, no matter how much he wanted to throw her down the stairs at times and take Fai up in his arms.

It was a sad, slow month. With his extra money, Fai bought a cheap cell phone and they ended up finding an old, inexpensive T.V at one of their quiet thrift store adventures.

At least the odd looks had stopped coming....right? Mabe? But what he would trade for those looks, if only he could have Fai in his arms again.


	7. New Surprizes

Author Notes: Reviews are yummy. But if they have valuable information they're delicious!

Remember the playlist? Playlist . com/playlist/17809484043

* * *

Fai picked up a couple large bags of assorted candy and smiled to himself, wondering what else he could do for the little kids that would run up to his house in a weeks' time. He had gotten permission to use the small front yard, and Kayla was coming over to help him since she was at the age now where she couldn't get away with trick-or-treating. He hadn't said a word to Kurogane, but it wasn't like they had been very verbose over the last couple months. September had dragged by - but October had been hell.

He yawned and walked to the front counter, placing the decorations he had collected and the candy on the table top. He smiled kindly and silently at the cashier just to be polite, and took out his wallet, which was on a chain attached to his black jeans. It was the same, bright glimmering silver as the silver ear cuff on his ear in the shape of a spider and web. (1) The left ear bud of his cheap, scratched mp3 player was permanently bound to his left ear, playing anything with a good beat and lyrics that could not relate to his life. While the cashier read him his total, all he could hear on his left side was "YOU'RE PARALIZED! 'CAUSE THIS IS-"

He handed the man some bills, took his bag, then the change, nodded and left through the automatic doors of Artic's Rite Aid at a fast pace, his long legs carryinging him back home.

Kurogane was sleeping, or so it seemed. Fai was now working all day at the diner, then coming home around five to sleep and eat before going back out for his graveyard shift, so they hardly talked. Kelsy came in to the diner every so often, and she was like a natural bill board. She told everyone about the great food and Fai's looks, and soon many teenage girls were coming to have brunch just to see the head waiter.

Fai opened up the bag just for fun and took out a small bite-sized Snickers. Out of the corner of his eyes he saw the next move coming, and quickly shoved it into his mouth, but then there was something on top of his lips, crushing his lips, teeth clashing accidentally. It was not within Kurogane's limits to be gentle and slow after two months of being ignored and being looked at with glares that set a stone into the pit of his stomach. Still, when he pulled away with his back to Fai, he knew there would be a hateful glare or a terrified look, but both were heart breaking, so he did not care which.

"I wanted that."

"Next time I'll be sure to throw it up for you," Fai murmured under his breath, trying to even out his breathing. Though the kiss had been forceful and painful, his body had reacted. His skin had flared into a small blush and his breath had cought, and his body had wanted to deepen the situation, but his concious had stopped him. He knew now that Kurogane would not take advantage of him, even if he kissed him randomly. Because Kurogane knew the conciquences like a dog scared of it's master. Even though his nerves knew this, he still felt queazy.

Still, the dog did not scamper away.

"Well?" shot the mage.

"PUT YOUR HANDS ON MY WAIST-" Fai was tempted to actually yank his ear bud out.

"I just wanted to get you still and tell you some news: You can't think I'm going to just keep sacrificing one thing after another. First, it's my freedom. Second, it's my arm. Third, I have to fucking spill my heart out which was pretty painful, and then I have to restrain myself all the time? I'm done. And don't you dare make a comment about me getting my arm out in the end - I don't care if the fucking cops told me to keep my sword put away."

The mage jeered, "You call sexually harassing me restraining yourself?" even though inside, he was just realizing something: that little part of him, the scarred one, the one that became crippling painful - it was the selfish, horrible side of him. Kurogane was so right: Fai hadn't done shit compared to the ninja, so why was he being such a child?

"BABY COULDJA BLOW MY HEART UP?" Fai's hand itched to pull out his earbuds.

"See?" Kurogane's hands balled into fists by his side. "Why are you acting like this, bastard?"

He couldn't keep this up. Poor Kurogane...mabe. After a few moments of deep thought, guilt rising in his chest, Fai murmured "Because I don't know what else to do."

"Don't pull that shit with me-"

"Dammit Kurogane!" Fai suddenly exploded, fists balled by his sides, head down so his bangs covered his eyes. "Do you think I want to have this - this condition? I want to believe every word you say, but I can't, I just can't. Okay? Do you think I want to be so fucking selfish? Do you think I want to be this way?"

Kurogane still would not turn around. "Just try to understand my side," was all he growled. "You have to remember how I am and try to understand that. If you can't..." His voice dropped gravely, forcing Fai's head up with a jerk and his fists to loosen. "I just don't know anymore."

Fai was happy Kurogane didn't turn around, because he couldn't lie in Kurogane's presence now. The ninja's heart would have shattered had he glanced back, because the scariest thing to Fai now was loosing Kurogane completely. Not that it hadn't hurt, but over the last couple months at least Kuro had been there. If he was gone....If Kurogane were to leave him, Fai would be alone, again, wallowing in a newborn pain. If he couldn't see the ninja's face every day and know there was one person who cared, one person who, mabe, loved him.....

Pulling his breath from where it had cought in his chest, Fai tugged his voice into something presentable. "I...understand."

Fai ended up oversleeping, because depression-bringing worry brought on two things in his case: the need to sleep for half the day, and the need for alcahol. Kurogane wasn't home - he guessed the ninja was off by the cliff or something, but he hardly had time to think before rushing to Cumberland Farms in the dark, head a mess. He went home afterwards and slept some more, making sure to actually show up on time at the diner, though his boss could tell there was obviously something weighing on his mind.

He'd realized something. Kurogane was the type of person where every growl, every mutter or comment ment something very important deep down. He care was shown in this gruff, deciving comments. He wasn't the kind of man who would nurture him, and he'd known that from the start. Why had he expected it here? What was wrong with him? Dumbass....

So what could he do? Should he go home with his newfound thoughts and just be happy and hyper, or should be approach Kurogane carefully? Should he wait for the other to make the first move? Why was he overthinking this so badly?

Five o'clock came much too fast, and he found himself at his front door. Kurogane, thankfully, wouldn't be home for a bit longer, though he didn't want to think about that. He ended up on the large comfortable chair in front of the T. V., curled up comfortably watching the news. A car crash, three dead. A man convicted of murdering his girlfriend. The dropping economy. God, or whatever was up there, life was depressing. _Oh, look, one positive story. Roger Williams Park Zoo? A Newborn elephant? I'll have to tell Kurogane we have to go there sometime._

Right on cue, the door opened. "Idiot, you here?"

Fai thought for a quick moment after answering "In here, bastard." Was Kurogane just unoriginal, and was Fai's name just nick-name proof? Was that what he had come up with for a pet name instead of something like "Kuro-poo". Did Kurogane miss being called those things? The way he had acted in Tokyo....

"Hm," he said, catching on to a new story about some seventeen-year-old that had been in the middle of distrubution of fake licenses to minors. "Seventeen. Same age as me," he murmured. He glanced back to Kurogane and said, "Did you know that, Kuro-sama?"

He seemed to notice the use of a nickname. "And?"

"Scared you sexually harassed a minor?" Fai provoked.

"You're the one who told the goverment you' re twenty-one," the ninja muttered as he sat down on the couch. He glanced at the mage, a bit suspiciously, a bit curiously.

"Duh, that's drinking age," answered the blonde, rolling his eyes. "I'm twenty-one in Nihon years anyway, so same difference."

"Stop talking like Kelsy," Kurogane muttered, his eyes flashing a bit.

Fai looked back to the T.V., asking absentmindedly, "Are you going to help me for Halloween? Kelsy's coming over. We decided on an Alice and Wonderland theme. She'll be Alice and I'm the Mad Hatter. You can be the doormouse, Kurgie!"

"Never!" spat the ninja, and Fai laughed. After a moment, Kurogane added, "And?"

"Well, we're going to set up a big tea table like in the movie - I'll have to rent it so you can see it - and we'll give the kids candy when they run up. I don't think I'm going to go with the traditional Hatter outfit though," he added.

"Tch."

"Come on," Fai said, happy that he had been accepted so easily. "You'd look cute as a doormouse!" Actually the thought of Kurogane being cute was out of the question. He was a sexy beast.

"-The Hell?" snapped Kurogane, though he blushed a bit like a whining child, acting a lot like he had as a child, because being "cute" was a baby factor, and he had always hated people calling him a baby - babies weren't needed for anything but love.

Fai smiled a bit and said, "Well, I guess we could change the cast a bit. I mean, it's already not going to be perfect. Who says the Mad Hatter doesn't have his own ninja?"

"Never."

"You're right. That would mean you're submitting to someone else." He turned back to the T.V.

Kurogane glared at the side of Fai's face. Was that it at all? Surprizingly, not really. A bit, but it was mostly the fact that he was not one to submit to anyone in general, and the idea of Halloween was stupid, anyway. But Fai seemed into it-

"Or you could be the hare!" Fai suddenly broke down, head flung back into the chair with laughter. He gasped for breath, his speech coming out in incoherent words. "You....bunny suite!....omygod!....Playboy...bunny!...."

"WHAT?" The ninja sprang to his feet, blushing a bit.

Whatever Fai tried to say was lost in his magical laughter, his whole body shaking in the chair. All he could see was a picture of Kurogane with bunny ears and the traditional black playboy bunny suit, complete with a bushy tail on the end. He couldn't get the disturbing picture out of his head, and he was brought to tears quickly.

Kurogane knew what playboy bunnies were, and the subject brought up images of Fai up. Even though the mage didn't know it, the ninja had had a couple....unfortunate dreams before, and to his dismay his mind conjured up pictures of Fai's flushed, sweaty face, only with bunny ears. He felt the usual rushing of blood to an unmentionable area, and before the mage could notice and strode away with, "Idiot!"

"Moron!" Fai called, still laughing. After a few minutes he settled into the chair, chuckling every so often. He set his content eyes on the T.V. again, a small ironic smile playing on his lips. Oh, how wonderful it felt to laugh like that, to be happy. Too bad it was a rare occurance.

Suddenly Fai remembered some decorations he had bought recently, and he went out to hang them up, tempted to whistle. Kurogane heard the door slam and thought the mage had gone with Kelsy before work, like he had done before.

Fai was shaking like a leaf for no apparent reason exept he was scared. He was standing the dark room beside the bathroom door, unable to move.

Kurogane hadn't heard in walk in, for the first time ever. He'd walked to the bedroom doorway to find Kuro restless, opting to dig through their closet for night clothes. By accidennt he'd pulled out something of Fai's, glaring at it before hopelessly slamming a hand into the wall. That was when Fai had noticed that Kuro was pitching a tent in his pants and moved away to hide, just before the ninja strode out and into the bathroom. He had crept to the door moments later, shaking a bit, wondering what he should do, when all of a sudden he heard a muffled groan....

Kurogane was a man, of course, but now it seemed to much more real....Of course Kurogane needed to do that every once in a while...But what was with the way he had acted with Fai's shirt? As another small moan floated to the mage's ears, he remembered the timed the ninja had said he looked sexy, or something he did was sexy, or something about him was sexy....Did that mean that the ninja was turned on by him? But he had been pitching a tent even before he'd picked up the shirt, the blonde remembered....Had Kurogane fallen alseep while Fai was in the yard and had a wet dream? Or had he conciously thought of such things?

The mage shook harder as he moved to the wall next to the bathroom and covered his mouth, muffling a small squeak. But it did not help, and all noise in the other room suddenly came to an abupt stop, and there was a mutter of, "Fuck" and a zip. Then the door opened.

Fai, hands still clasped over his mouth, body still shaking, knees bent on the verge of buckling, looked up at the older man, who was blushing a bit wheather it be from embarrasment or lust. However, he still was snappish as ever, even if was from guilt: the face Fai was making was horrible.

"Next time tell me when you come back in!"

He was still hard, Fai saw.

"Hey, up here!" snapped Kurogane, a bit flustered at the sight of Fai's eyes traveling downward shakily. Still, he could feel himself getting worse, even though he didn't want to.

Fai's eyes returned to the ninja's face, though his condition did not better.

"Idiot, don't look at me like that....I am a guy, you know. What's the problem?" Kurogane knew Fai was aware of that obvious fact, and would understand unless he knew what had turned him on.

"N-nothing," murmured Fai, surprized his voice even worked, pushing himself away from the wall shakily.

Kurogane, feeling very guilty, put an arm out to stop him. "Idiot, don't do this." Fai moved back against the wall again, now standing reletively strait. "Does it have something to do with the subject of sex being brought up again?"

Fai couldn't answer.

"Look, I'm not going to push you into it," said Kurogane gruffly.

The mage swallowed hard, head turned away, eyes on the floor. "U-um...I-f...w-when we...end up...." Kurogane blinked. "I t-think I-I'm going to have to...t-top." He swallowed again, making sure not to look at Kuro's face. Why was he doing this? When had he decided on this? Why wouldn't he shut up? "I...c-can't...don't trust you enough...."

Before he knew it, Kurogane was hugging Fai and murmuring "It's okay...It's okay...You trust me enough to give me whatever small power comes with being bottom. It's okay."

"Kurogane...." Fai's voice was monotone. "We both know that...w-when it happens, you won't want to be bottom. I know you. You want to be in control. You want to top. You're bigger, stronger...it makes sense." He felt Kurogane tense under him.

"Just....Just give me a bit of time. I promise you I'll let you top me."

Fai wanted to push him away violently. He knew Kurogane was lying. "And you won't hold back? You won't just lay there, gripping the sheets, hoping I'd get done so the next time can come and you can top?"

Kurogane sighed. "That's why I said give me time to get comfortable with the idea, idiot."

Slowly, Fai moved his head so it was buried into Kurogane's shoulder, gripping the side and front of his shirt lightly. "Thanks for being...realistic."

"I love you." It felt amazing to say that without a doubt.

"I think I might love you, too," he allowed, pain filling his chest. He turned a bit sarcastic, murmuring, "Isn't it funny how you tell me that when we're talking about sex."

Kurogane was smiling the biggest one had had ever smiled in his whole life. He ignored Fai's sarcasm. "That's enough. That's more than enough."

Fai twisted his hands nervously the next night as Kurogane took his shower. He didn't know if he was supposed to be ready that or not. He didn't know what to expect. Then he heard his cell phone go off, and took the excuse to hurry out of the intimidating bedroom and into the kitchen

There was a text:

_Fai. _

_Thank you. Thx for making me smile, and laugh. I'm srry I didn't hint earlier. I really luv u as a person. But I didn't luv my boyfriend, or my parents. My bf beat me, violated me, and made me push everyone away till I was alone. My mom got drunk every night and couldn't or just didn't care. My dad was hardly home. All I really wanted to say is good-bye and I hope you and Kuro have a great future. I know he saw through me. Now I know why you love him._

"OH GOD!"

Fai's fingers sped around the keypad.

But no one heard the first ring.

No one cared the second.

The third and the boyfriend only wondered

why the line was busy.

And at the fourth the drunken mom

was annoyed by the singing.

At the fith the only one who cared enough

was crying uncontrollably.

By the fith Kurogane was stepping out of the shower soberly

Unaware a life was gone.

Number six and all hope was gone,

Exept for the desprate last

And at the magic number seven,

the ninja heard a crash.

* * *

Author notes:

More angst. But at least I'm not as confusing as CLAMP, right? The second part, starting with Fai coming back in, was actually written in advance and I decided it would be okay for this chapter. If something doesn't match up, tell me; I might have screwed up changing some details.

(1): The spider ear cuff: .


	8. Another Wound Patched

A/N: Playlist:.com/playlist/17809484043

Also, I tried to put it in present time instead of past. Tell me how that worked out.

* * *

Kurogane's hand is wet as it reaches and tuggs on my shoulder, turning me sharply to face him. In one swift movement I shove him away, even though I now know he is just trying to help.

"Cought it up, mage."

I'm silent, leaning shakily on the counter, hiding my eyes behind my bangs. My head is turned away, because I can't face anyone, never mind the man who didn't do anything to help someone in need. "You bastard. You knew and you didn't do anything."

"Who - Oh shit, it's Kelsy, huh?"

"SHE'S DEAD!" I suddenly explode. "Because of me! But you didn't help-"

"Shut up, mage!" Kurogane shouts. "She was getting abused even before you came to this world, so shut your face! It's not your fault, and you know it!"

I stare down at my smashed cell phone in shock, unable to move, tears flowing down my face. First the people of Valera. Then Fai. The people of Celes. Ashura. Who else would die around me?

"Dammit, Fai! I know exactly what you're thinking! It's not your fault! If anyone it's me."

"Yeah," was all I can mutter, my voice as painful as acid to the ears. "You're right."

Kurogane calms then, feeling quite guilty. "I'm going to get dressed," he whispers, but I do not answer. All I can do to keep from sobbing loudly is clench my fists until my knuckles turn a sickly white, and crawl off to bed to sleep away my pain. It was so much easier when I was numb, or when I had alcahol. Why was Kurogane being so harsh?

* * *

"You can't sleep forever, idiot," Kurogane said loudly from the foot of the bed.

Fai rolled over tiredly, his stomach still in horrible knots, and murmured, "Who said?"

Kurogane wanted to snap "Ashura said!" but instead he fell into silence, stairing down at the lithe form. After some long, unmoving minutes he said, "I called you in sick."

"Good."

"I know you're awake."

"I'd inferr that."

"Then get your ass up."

"No. Let me go back to sleep. Or give me booze."

"No. You know you don't want me to leave. You just don't want me here. And you need to learn to live without alcahol."

"The first part doesn't make sense, Kuro."

Why was he using nicknames now of all times? Kurogane crossed his arms. "Yes I does. If I left, you'd have no one close. You'd be suicidal again. You just don't want me to stand here and tell you that, or make you move on so fast. Truth is, you have to get over it, otherwise it'll haunt you."

Fai didn't move.

"Come on."

Slolwy the mage made himself get up, and the ninja saw the blonde's tear-stained, miserable face as he walked by.

"Still being a Hatter for Halloween?" asked the ninja gruffly when they had sat down at the coffe table Kurogane had bought, using like one of the tables in Shara. He was eating a styrofoam cup of Ramen (1) soup, while Fai's sat untouched on the table.

"Yeah," was all he said with a monotone voice.

"Why?"

Fai looked up at the ninja, touching the eye that once had been missing, smiling a bit though his eyes screamed for help. "Because I'm as mad as a hatter."

The look the mage was bearing broke Kurogane's heart into a billion pieces. He was smiling a bit, yet he looked as if he was about to sob his heart away, and he was shaking from all the crying he had done earlier.

"Don't give me that look," growling Kurogane, slamming his fork down and standing.

Fai couldn't figure this out. Why was he walking away when he was so voluble? Why was he leaving him? Hadn't he just said he wasn't going to go, that he knew Fai needed him there? He looked down, whispering, "So that's what you're just going to do? Say you'll stay, but in the end go?"

Kurogane turned in the doorway. He wanted to tell Fai he had almost cryed at that look, but he could never come to say that. Instead, he murmured, "Don't look at me like that."

Still the mage didn't understand.

"Are you going to make me pour my heart out like the day you broke your arm?" scoffed the ninja.

Fai knew he shouldn't. "Yes."

"I almost cried. You looked horrible." And Kurogane walked into the kitchen.

Fai looked back to the coffe table and swallowed, thinking over the ninja's word. He had no idea what his expression had been like, but it took a lot to make Kurogane cry. The closest he seen the ninja come to crying was when Fai had almost commited suicide (2), and even then he'd held it in. How could one look top off that stack and make it tip?

Fai wanted to wrap himself in the warmth that was the Nihon shinobi, and he knew Kurogane wanted to feel loved, so it didn't take much debate before he whispered hoarsely, "Kurogane, please come back...." The ninja wasn't going to break easily, so he knew he had to be the one to give up first.

The ninja appeared silently in the doorway. Fai kept his eyes locked on the table. "Come here. Please."

Suspicously, Kurogane walked over and looked down on the mage before slowly settling himself next to the blonde. He waited a few moments, and was about to snap, "Well?" when Fai finally moved a bit to place his head on Kurogane's shoulder.

"So that's what you wanted?" Kurogane asked rudely, though he wanted to be the one snuggling for once. He opened his legs and wrapped his arms around the mage, pulling him into the space there so Fai could bury his head into Kurogane shoulder properly. "Just do it next time." One hand stayed on the blonde's head, holding him tightly there, tanned fingers intertwined with the mage's golden locks. Fai gripped the warm shirt the Kurogane was wearing, and soon the ninja could feel something wet seeping through the fabric as sobs wracked the blonde.

Stiocly, Kurogane turned his head to look out the window. It was sunset outside, though from that side of the house you couldn't see it. He looked back down at the lith figure clinging to him, and wanted to hug him back (Holding his head wasn't really huggin), though he never really fully loved the idea of not being in control....But he knew Fai wouldn't do anything to him, because the mage had worse trust problems. So slowly, he slung his arms around the blonde's thin form and lowered his chin onto Fai's shoulder. No longer did he look like the protector of some weak child: he looked like a lover. For a long time the blonde clung to the ninja's large form, filling himself with the other's warmth, slowly healing.

"Imouvu." Fai's voice was muffled.

"What?" Kurogane asked, lifting his head and looking down. When Fai only held him closer, he smiled a bit and replacing his chin. Akwardly but surely, he whispered, "I love you, too....God, this is sappy."

Fai chuckled a bit, adjusting his head so he could talk normally. "Sappy is nice for once."

"If you say so," grumbled the ninja.

Then Fai thought of something. No, it was the little doubting part of him that asked, "Why is he being all volnable? That's not Kurogane....Does he think....Oh, no." Fai pulled back sharply.

"What's wrong?" Kurogane said, feeling cross about having been rejected.

"No sex," Fai said to his lap sternly.

"Sex?" The ninja exclaimed loudly. "I wasn't even-" Kurogane stopped to collect himself and lower his voice. Slowly opening his fire-colore eyes, he said, "I wasn't even trying anything. What in the world would make you think I was?"

Fai wouldn't look up.

"Just because I help you through a hard time, and hug you, and kiss you, it doesn't always mean I want to fuck you." He paused for the briefest of seconds. "Has it ever crossed your mind that I really love you? It's like you try to believe me, and you do, and then you don't. What the fuck is with that?"

"Sorry," Fai whispered almost inaudably.

"No need," he murmured, almost reaching out to tug Fai back into his grasp. His hand stopped halfway, folded, and returned to his side. "It's not like I'm totally ready to give up pretty much every once of control I have. I'm getting more...aquainted with the idea, though...." He didn't want to pour out his heart again, so he stopped there.

" 'aqauinted' means you trust me a lot, right?" Fai murmured.

"What do you think?" Kurogane said.

"...." Fai looked up at the man before him, shaking a bit, his blue eyes drowning in red. "I...I ment what I said earlier. And I know you love me, I just doubt both of us sometimes. Mostly because you're such a bastard, making me live and all."

And there it was, one of those wicked, sexy smile Kurogane loved so much.

"I feel much better," Fai announced, standing up. He looked down with a grim look, though, his face tugging at a smile. "I have to go to Kelsy's house to...arrange some things."

"I'm coming."

Knock. Knock.

The door swung open to reveal a drunken woman sobbing histerically. "Who are you?" She shouted.

Fai kept his face grim, but presentable. "I'm Fai D. Flourite. I'm one of Kelsy's friends. This brute-" He shoved a thumb over his shoulder, wondering what type of look was on the ninja's face. "is Kurogane."

"What do you want?" she sobbed.

"To know what you're going to do," he said soberly.

She broke down, crying at Fai's feet, but still he had no pitty. He just gave her a cold stare. "Is there going to be a funeral?"

She didn't answer.

He wanted to kick her into talking, but he held back, only taking out a piece of paper and a pen. He scribble down some numbers, then handed the paper to her. "If you don't call in the next three days to tell me a date or something close to it, I'm going to do it myself, and that means you, your husband, and her boyfriend are all uninvited."

And with that, he turned and left.

1.) Ramen as in the brand. I've never actually seen home-made ramen soup in America, though I don't know anyone who's Japanese, so go figure.

2.) In the scanalation he looks like he's crying! But I just got the book and saw he wasn't...Oh well!

Cool story here. I was actually watching the Discovery Heath channel this weekend and saw Lippit Mill, which is situated near Pheonix. It was on "My shocking story", the one with the dwarf who wanted to go to the formal dance. Lippit Mill was actually for sale recently, though I'm not sure what ended up happening. Remember the Fire station and the road next to it? If you went strait down Wakefield and didn't turn left or right, you'd crash right into it. I know. Hard to picture. But when I saw something that was in one of the pictures I was sent from West Warwick, I was like "OMFG!!!!! I can't believe it!" Because it was so much more real to me.

Fire Station | ROAD | 4 houses | entrance to (lala) lot | Liquor store

- - - - - Main Street - - - - - -

LIPPIT MILL


	9. New Conclusions

**I KNOW, I KNOW. I just got my computer back fully, though, and I've been working on the revamp. I can tell you that the chapter in which Fai breaks his arm is changing A LOT. Sorry, but that was SO ooc to me. I can't stand it.**

**Hope this is okay. I added a twist. *GASP***

**And Fai in skinnies! =3 YUM!  
**

**_____________________________________  
**

"I can't believe you," growled Kurogane, twitching a bit.

There stood the blonde, decked in a pure white, dove-tailed suite complete with a large, drooping bow tie in powder blue. The suite's sleeves flared a bit, revealing light blue ruffles. The top hat was large, with a large powder blue ribbon, and all in all it was more of a costume than anything.

"Well, a funeral is one of the biggest occasions of a person's life, no?"

Kurogane, straitening up, snappd back, "She's dead!"

Fai laughed, adjusting his bow tie. "I may not act it, but I am actually pretty smart, Kurgs." After brushing himself off, he smiled fakely. Kurogane wasn't very concerned: Fai was just recovering from another loved ones death; He'd get over himself sometime. However, he did snap, "And I don't know that?"

The laugh that the ninja recieved mocked him. "Well, sometimes I wonder." He pulled on white gloves and then just stood there, studying Kurogane, who became quite uncomfortable under those bright blue eyes. Those tinted diamonds stood just above that white gloved hand, the hem of the fabric held by the other, spindly, gloved hand. And just when Kurogane though he'd snap, the mage pressed his hands together with spread fingers and said, lips almost resting on his thumb, "Kurogane are you going to wear dirty work jeans and a black shirt to this fine, fine event?"

"Shaddup," grouched the ninja, walking away to go get something on that didn't smell like greese. He didn't have any clothes like Fai's, but he was just going to dress dark (like always) and slick his hair back. It wasn't like he was one for funerals, anyway.

"Hurry up, Kuro-poo, or we'll be late!"

"I SAID SHUT UP!"

He could hear that Fai was following him into the parlour, but he didn't stop. He was nearing the futon covered in just-laundried clothes when Fai chimed, "But I just love a man who smells like hard work."

"I really should belt you, idiot." For effect, he picked up his belt with a black button-up Fai had bought him cheap. It had intricate white designs on the front consisting of incomprehensable words, swords, crosses, etc, but it was the best black shirt he had. He'd only worn it once thus far, the day Fai'd come home and begged him to wear it even if it was just around the house. How'd it end up in the wash, he didn't know.

"Now that's just abusive," chuckled the blonde. "I was only complimenting you."

"Hey." Kurogane looked over at the blonde and gave him a dead sirious look. One that read plainly, "I might not be sappy, but I am not, under any circumstances, abusive toward you." He noticed Fai had taken his hat off, and on his pale lips he played a tiny smile, not so much that ironic, sexy smile, but a smaller version. The ninja scoffed and turned back to find his darkest pair of jeans.

Fai leaned against the doorframe leading to their room. "You know, when I was in all that pain in Tokyo, I couldn't think. I just knew I had to get away from that pain. I could hardly see, but I knew you were there, and in that tiny ounce of being I had, I thought two things unconciously: 'Don't scream, don't scream," and something about you. I think I was trying to tell myself that clinging to you was a way to get you to feel a pang of regret. I think that was part of it, but most of all, I wanted you to hold me like the mother of a five-year-old, and you wouldn't, and through my pain I somehow knew that and it made it ten times worse."

Furrowing his brows, Kurogane, pants in hand, went into their room while the blonde stayed with his back on the doorframe, waiting for some kind of acknowlegdement.

"You're way too truthful," muttered the ninja. "Around me."

"But I thought you wanted that, Kurgs?" Fai threw a sideways glance into the room, where Kurogane, in all his buff glory, was shirtless. "You're always complaining that I'm fake-"

There was a sigh. "There isn't a comprimise." There was no question in that.

"All or nothing," was the answer.

He ignored it and went on with what he was saying, kicking his pants away grabbing the clean ones. "I guess that's what happens when you get screwed over and up that badly."

"Guess so." He glanced in again to give him a verifying look.

"Turn your head around," snapped the ninja.

Doing so, the blond muttered, "It's nothing I haven't seen before. It's not like I haven't see you half-naked. Though I do have to say that Japanese underwear don't suite you." He flung a mischivious smile into the roon. "They don't show off your manlyness."

"Why you little-" He would have gone after him, had it not been for the fact he had one leg in his opants and the other out.

"I'd say you're the one who's way too honest, really." Fai shook his head a bit, now facing the living room entirely. "You may not come out and say it, but you are. I siriously doubt you have a single fake bone and your body. Mabe that's why you're so warm."

"Tch." God this man couldn't stay on a single subject.

He'd said the exact same thing in Nihon.

_Reaching down to soak the cloth again, Fai smiled a bit. It was unconcious by now, a natural reaction. Thankfully, he was behind Kurogane, wringing the cloth out and slowly wiping it over the ninja's tanned, muscled back. He'd taken most of the bandages off, save for the end of his left arm. Warm sunshine poured into the room from the cracked sliding doors that lead to the garden._

_ "You're very warm. Mabe I should have gotten cold water?"_

_ "You know that's how I am naturally."_

_ "Hm." He went was far down as Kurogane's tail bone, because that's all he'd permitted Fai to see by gathering his yukata there. For a moment there was silence as the blonde washed his shoulders, Kurogane not even glancing his way. Then his sleeves, which were tied up, came loose and dropped onto the ninja's back._

_ "Damn," he murmured, moving to tie it back up._

_ Kurogane glanced back, finally. "You know you probably shouldn't be wearing that, right?"_

_ "What?" Fai glanced up from fixing his sleeve. For a fraction of a second, his eyes met the ninja's._

_ Turning away again, he muttered, "You're wearing a Furisode. It's made for woman who have come of age and are ready to marry, and the lover of a samuri. And it's never worn while working."_

_ "You know what's funny?" Fai pointed out. "You said 'probably.' You're too pure, Kurogane." The ninja caught the minuscule shaking in his voice, the shaking Fai had tried to shove away. He was shaking because he was voicing what he already knew: Kurogane was untouchable. Kurogane was a warmth so painful, he dared not touch it. Kurogane was too pure, too amazing. _

_ He managed to hide it in his next sentences. "You may not come out and say it, but you are more truthful than anyone. I siriously doubt you have a single bad bone in your body. Mabe that's where your warmth comes form."_

_ "Shut up!" he snapped at the air in front of him instead of Fai, a bit of a blush coming into his tanned cheeks._

_ "Awww, Kuro-sama's blushing!" _

_ The ninja tore around to see Fai crouching with his arms between his legs with that stupid smile on his face, but he was lopsided and not used to moving so fast and fell over witha "thunk," prompting the blonde to laugh at him heartily for a while. But he knew this was his doing: if he'd just torn his hand out of Kurogane's in Celes, he'd still have his arm (and his balance). He moved around the ninja and overed him a hand, still laughing a bit to hide his regrets. Kurogane, who was glaring, his yukata twisted around his thighs, ignored that hand and pushed himself up without help. _

_ "I don't need your help," he snapped._

_ "Right again, Kuro-sama."_

_ Thankfully he hadn't said "I don't need you" because then Fai wouldn't know how to respond. That's exactly why he brushed off Kurogane promising himself to Kurogane before their leave. _He wanted to be needed for something other than a scapegoat, for something other than blame, or the key to a plot. But it seemed that was too much for someone as horrible as he was. He knew he should be happy with what he had: a good friend in Kurogane (Well, it was more like frenemies), a daughter in Sakura, and son in Syoaron....But it just wasn't right. I wasn't....intamate.

* * *

Kurogane dropped him off right in front of the funeral home to spare him stares from the people on the street. The sky was a taunting beautiful blue, and thought Fai thought it should be raining, he had to admit it was the kind of weather Kelsy would have loved. The building sat between a fork in the road, with a very small white church across the street on the left and the parking lot on the right. Behind it were some houses. It was a brick building with a large overhang for the hurse and nice, wine-red rugs with matching interior.

He was late, just as planned.

The room was silent exept for some teenagers crying in the corner, and then, all of a sudden, the large heavy doors swung open and there was Fai, in all his glory, coldy staring them down. He strode in and past the dozens of mourners, taking long steps. There was one person with Kelsie at the moment, but he moved away at the sight of this beautiful, mysterious person with the cold, pained eyes. And without hesitation that beautiful ghost of a person stepped up to casket, unable to look down for a moment. For a time-consumer, he took off his top hat and held it behind his back. And then, with a deep breathe, he looked down.

He could never get used to the way the dead looked like they were in a deep slumber.

Behind him someone whispered, "Who's that?"

"Fai. They were very close."

"What the hell is he wearing?"

"I should have knew he'd do something like this..."

He ignored them, trying to stay as cold as possible, because otherwise he'd cry. Slowly, he took off his glove with his teeth and held it in the same hand as his hat. Her face was so cold, so lifeless. She should have been laughing with him, but instead she was cold.

"You're my Alice," he murmured so no one could hear. "You're my fighter. Where have you gone?" He really got cought up in his games too much, and he knew it, but he couldn't stop. "I should have told you to stay in Wonderland, I guess. The real world's much to harsh." Slowly, the mage bent down and kissed her forehead. She was so cold, and it was so unlike her it pained his heart. This was his baby. This was his friend. This was his sister. This was a person who, because of his life, had died.

There was nothing more to do now but move on, he knew, though he doubt he could do it. And so, he dawned his hat, pulled his glove back on, and bowed his head. "I'll make sure that if I see you again that you're happy and healthy." He couldn't help but shed a small tear. "Goodbye, Alice." And with one last heartbroken look, the blode turned on his heel, raised his head with cold dignity even though he had a tear rolling down his cheek, and strode away from the person he cared about most in this world, besides his ninja.

Kurogane was waiting at the door soberly. He would've asked if Fai was okay, but as a rule you DID NOT as Fai D. Flourite if he was okay. He just followed him out silently. He didn't say a word when the blonde got into the driver's seat, didn't ask where they were going or if he was going to change into something appropriate.

They drove down the street for a very short time until they came to the red light before the police station and took a left up the hill. They passed the old, now-unused senior center (there was a new one on Main Street), and the Teen Center, until they came to the West Warwick High School and John F. Deering Middle School near the top, which were connected. There was a bus entrance, and on the stepp above was a parking lot, and when you drove in the high school, tan with a dark overhang, sat tall with the middle school down on the left, like a little sibling. Fai drove around the right side of the high school, on the road between it and the hill on which sat the track and "the complex", and to the back parking lot silently, where the ground almost fell away.

He parked on the edge of the parking lot, near a sharp hill that fell into a baseball and soccer field. There was a single concrete, metal-railed starecase down, and a large empty area with traces of white lines and tall baseball gaits, and then West Warwick, all hills and trees and a single white high rise, spread out before them.

Kurogane looked toward the blonde, but he had climbed into the back seat, and was changing. He looked away, wondering where to put his eyes, but thankfully Fai was a quick dresser and was already grabbing his iPod out of the front cup holder and getting out, dressed in neon yellow skinny jeans and a black t-shirt that read "I'm not okay" in blurry white letters.

The ninja, knowing the blonde needed some alone time, thrust back the lever that allowed him to put the seat back and sat there, closing his eyes.

"HOW COULD I DO THIS TO YOU?"

Kurogane's eyes snapped open, and inside the car he heard the faint echo of "you....you...ou......" He finally got it. Fai thought this was all because of that stupid Twins curse. He thought this was all his fault.

"WHY!?"

Kurogane thrust the door open, snapping hard, "I THOUGHT YOU WERE OVER THIS!" The mage, who was gripping at his hair, turned sharply, as if he'd forgotten Kurogane was there. And all of a sudden the ninja had captured his wrists, and Fai immediatly struggled, but somehow he didn't have the upper hand like he always did. He managed to pushed Kurogane onto the hillside, but he was dragged down along with him, and all of a sudden the ninja sprung forward, locking him between himself and then earth, wrists immobile. Then he saw how badly Fai was shaking, and not because he was crying, and how scared those blue eyes were.

And then it hit him, like some boulder crashing down a mountain.

"Were you ever raped?"


	10. Another Corner

He guessed it was just the pressure of the day, mixed with the music blasting into his ears that made him cry under that intense gaze. He knew Kurgane had said something, but he had no idea what. He hated being cornered like this. It was so scary to be at a dead end....

_When I am down, and oh my soul so weary, when troubles come and my heart burdened be, when I am still and waiting in the silence, until you come and sit a while with me...You raise me up, so I can stand on mountains. You raise me up, to walk on stormy seas. I am strong when I am on your shoulders. You raise me up, to more than I can be...._

"Answer the damn question!"

_You probably think that I'm a wimp._

He couldn't hear himself over the music. He didn't even know if he'd said that....

"Hey, mage..."

He couldn't look into those warm, warm eyes.

_I'm sorry...I'm sorry....._

_ "_Idiot, there's no reason to be sorry. Hey! You can't hear me, can you?"

_You raise me up, so I can stand on mountains. You raise me up, to walk on stormy seas. I am strong when I am on your shoulders. You raise me up, to more than I can be...._

Suddenly one of his earbuds were pulled out, and he snapped to look at Kurogane, who was dead sirious...oh god.....He couldn't stand those eyes right now. Where had all his defiance gone? Where had his resolve vanished to?

"You were raped before." This time it was no question.

Fai couldn't answer....He just stared at the ninja, red face, messy hair, tears and all, unable to breathe. It was a deadpan. Then he breathed, "I hate you." Why was it Kurogane could always figure him out? Why was it he always knew everything?

Kurogane scowled. "How the hell did you get yourself raped? Are you a man or what!?"

Rapes rarely happened in the castle and he'd never spent much time outside it. He'd only heard of one in his whole life, and it'd happened to a small, 14 year old servant with a very tiny frame.

Well, it looked like the mage finally found his defiance under the covers and grabbed it by the horns. He shoved Kurogane, though he didn't go anywhere. "I DIDN'T ASK FOR IT YOU BASTARD!" He sat up on his elbows with, "You've never delt with someone as insane as he is! You act like I said, 'come fuck me against my will'! HAVE SOME SENSITIVITY YOU BIG BRUTE! YOU DON'T KNOW HOW SCARY, HOW DEGRADING-"

"Quiet down before I gag you!"

"You really need a reality check!" snapped Fai. He'd been yelling before, so at least he wasn't that loud anymore.

Kurogane sighed and moved off of the blonde, sitting in the grass beside him. "So tell me. What happened?"

"You expect me to-"

"No."

"Then why-"

"I was giving you the choice."

Silence.

"It was Ashura."

Silence.

"He was out of his mind by then."

Silence.

"He was stronger than me by then."

Silence.

Fai didn't lift his head, and Kurogane didn't speak.

"I'm happy I killed the bastard."

The blonde didn't answer.

"Come on, you're a man... You can get over this, right? Not everyone's like him...."

"I know. I'm not afraid of everyone."

"....You're afraid of me, huh?"

The blonde was quiet.

"Look, I'm not going to touch you unless you want me to." A breeze rustled their hair and blew some of the remaining leaves from the trees. Faintly, Kurogane wondered what this place would look like in summer. Now, the grass was patched with brown spots and the trees were very scantily clad, though they blushed with what they had left.

"You've kissed me more than once," Fai murmured. "And I never asked you to."

"Because I......" Here came his pride.

The mage was silent.

Surely this man, all sob stories and pain and angst, wouldn't push his feelings away. Surely Fai wouldn't reject him. So why was he so scared of saying it? Ah God.....Looking away, Kurogane said, "Don't make me say it......"

"Thanks.....Kuro-shy."

"It's nothing to thank me for," said the ninja in a snap. "What the hell! Do you think I hand that sort of thing out to whoever says please and thank you!? And all this time you've been whining about me only wanting sex. Well guess what! I'M NOT ASHURA. I'm not going to use you!"

Fai couldn't lift his head for some reason. He could only bury it deeper and clamp his eyes shut harder. Stupid Kurogane. Stupid, stupid Kurogane, making him feel all these usless emotions. Stupid, stupid Kurogane, making him feel alive. Because with his luck this would all break apart any time now.

"Why is it so hard for you to trust me when I've done nothing but look out for you?"

"Ashura did the exact same thing," he murmured.

"You're such a moron!" Kurogane was angry again, but somehow it wasn't amusing even though his face was as comical as ever. "You think this is easy for me? I'm fighting my head all the way. I can see Tomoyo telling me this is wrong. I promised to go home, yet I can't if I'm with you. But I can't give you up. You need me."

_You're making a horrible case, Kurogane. Just be quiet!_

"....I really want to hit you right now, ya know. You make everything so hard!"

"If I wasn't you, I probably couldn't stand being so close every day, you know that?" It was a kinder way to say, "I trust you," and the ninja knew it. Why was he being so nice? Fai had answer. Mabe he was just begging for understanding? "I'd never be able to stand a kiss. It's so weird. I actually slept in your presence on one our first nights together, and I didn't feel threatened, I felt protected for the first time in a while."

"Tch. I'm a ninja. You're supposed to feel safe." There was a strong hand on his head, messing with his hair-

The mage's head turned with a snap and he said loudly, "I'm not some little kid who needs comforting, and you know that full and well!"

"Take what you get, moron," Kurogane shot back, immediatly turning, using the hill to stand, walking away. The blond whatched him go, a pout on his face, and he gathered up his cheap mp3 player and put the earbuds back in their place. _Little girls don't know how to be sweet girls, Mama never showed me. Little boys don't know treat little girls, daddy didn't show me. _Fai smiled a lopsidedly, wind brushing his hair across his forehead and his eyes as he slowly climbed the steep hill. It was a calm, nice feeling, but also there was a forboding in the pit of his stomach, like always. _Love save the empty...and save me._

And suddenly he was hugging Kurogane's back, laughing so hard against him while the ninja blinked stupidly and snapped, "LET GO OF ME YOU INSANE IDIOT! WE'RE IN PUBLIC!"

"Yeah, it's fun being insane!" Fai let go and stepped hastily out in front of him, still laughing histerically. He turned, straitened, and smiled hugely.

The ninja, flustered and exasperated, muttered, "You look like a kid."

He couldn't help but laugh harder, face red. Kurogane looked on coldly, because this was how Fai was now, he knew. Fai, now so open, would have breakdowns of laughter like these. He understood very well what this was about, probably more than the stupid blonde himself did. These bouts of laughter were what he'd never experienced before. This happiness was what he never had. And it was more than that. I was indescribable, really. He really was insane, the ninja thought....

"Come on, idiot, let's go." He opened the car door with a creak.

"Kurogane, when's you're birthday?" the blonde asked bluntly, still on the verge of giggles.

"Why do you care?" the ninja snapped, leaning on the top of the door. He studied Fai with a suspicious look.

"Well," he began, now in this childish mode that he couldn't shake, "I thought that since Kurgie probably hasn't celebrated his birthday since he became a little ninja, I mite as well take him out for his birthday when it comes."

The other still wasn't convinced. He snapped, "I am not going to tell you so you can embarrass me! I don't need to celebrate my birthday, anyway! I'm a man! Men don't celebrate birthdays above thirteen!"

"But see, I do!" Fai laughed. "I'll tell you mine!"

He didn't know if he was rooting way too deep into eveything, but Kurogane could have sworn this had to do with the blonde's childhood again. He sighed, and wondered if he should let the moron have his fun. "No," he decided after a moment, after thinking of the dangers.

"Plllleeeease?"

"Ugh I don't feel like dealing with this!" Kurogane snapped. "It's July 9th, okay?? I'll be 24. So when's yours?"

"Well I don't exactly know, but I am pretty sure it's around February....I think the first, because people were extra mean then. Ashura always celebrated it on his birthday, but I really rather just go with my own." He smiled even wider. "July. I have to remember that, Kurgs."

"Hmph." He sat in the car heavily. "Drive me home, Hatter."

"Will do, Jackie Chan."

Kurogane spun around to see the lithe figure walking around the back of the car. "Who the hell is that?"

"Oh, no one."

* * *

The ninja walked in to one of the few songs that hardly had meaning for Fai. It was blasting so loudly that the ninja wondered why the landlady hadn't complained yet. All he could hear was "DON'T BE A LITTLE BITCH WITH YOUR CHIT-CHAT, JUST SHOW ME WHERE THE DICK'S 'S UP. LISTEN HOT STUFF. I'M IN LOVE WITH THIS SONG."

"IDIOT YOU BETTER SHUT THAT SHIT OFF!" He hollered as soon as he opened the door, and of course he had to be met with a Fai singing with the song, "STOP TA-TA-TALKING THAT BLAH BLAH BLAH! THINK YOU'LL BE GETTIN' THIS? NAH NAH NAH-"

The ninja bristled in anger for a moment, then shot off after Fai and into the living room.

And there it was.

In the empty space against the left wall, in front of the window, was big black metal contraption with a thin matress. Actually, it was a western style futon, with the matress that was a couch or a bed, now folded up into a sofa. It matched nothing in the room, but everything else was odds and ends, so it fit, oddly enough. "What's that?"

"It's a futon. It's one of our beds bed! Watch." The blonde went over to it and pulled it down. "See."

"Tch."

"So, do you want the one in the room or the futon?"

"Whatever." He walked away, annoyed for some reason.

--

Kurogane couldn't sleep on it. He didn't know why, but he couldn't. He'd been awake for hours, just laying there. Fai was at Cumberland Farms, and he was alone. It was weird, being alone, somehow. He truly realized that he didn't have a single person in the world but that blonde. The guys at work were just colleges, and he didn't socialize with anyone else, which was somehow okay for him. It wasn't as if he was extremely social anyway. But still, he did feel a pang of loneliness. In Nihon, though he only really talked to Tomoyo, everyone was watching out for him: The empress, the princess, the guards, the ninja underlings, they all knew who was he was and would probably feel _something _if he died. But here no one but Fai would know. It was....unsettling for some odd, odd reason. Fai could leave him anytime he wanted for one of those pretty girls who fawned over him, leave him in his dust and start a life here, and Kurogane would be stuck here, too, trying to find a life for himself, a ninja in 21st century America. Nothing really tied them together exept their bond from that journey, which was now over. It was their choice to keep this dance going, and if one of them got tired, it was the end of it....

Suddenly the door opened. It wasn't time for the blonde to come home yet, was it? He glanced around for a nonexistant clock, but then decided to just shut his mouth and see what Fai said.

The blonde, with his long legs in his skinny jeans, came in and yawned before turning to smile at Kurogane a bit. The ninja's red eyes gleamed a bit in the dark, and though others would call it menacing, the blonde knew better. He'd _seen _a dangerous Kurogane, and this wasn't it. "A pipe burst at the gas station. It's a mess down there. They told us to go home."

"Hmph." The ninja turned away.

"Is the futon not comfortable?" Fai asked, smile dropping. "We can switch, if you like, I don't mind."

The ninja's back didn't answer.

He was probably being annoying, yes. He was probably acting really stupid, of course. He definately acting like a child, a child who was afraid of a thunderstorm and went to sleep with his mommy and daddy. But he didn't care. "Is it lonely?" He climbed over Kurogane's form expertly and sat down in the space between the ninja's form and the window, legs folded "indian style". "Kuro-tan?" He cocked his head to the side.

"It's Kurogane, dammit." The ninja snapped quietly.

"Can you sleep?" He tried.

The ninja growled, "Will you stop!?"

"But I want you to sleep," Fai said innocently. "It's not good for your complextion to stay up all night."

_Stupid blonde, you didn't seem to care if I slept or not in Infinity. _The ninja turned his back on Fai once againg with a "Hmph", looking across the dark room with a hard look.

"Kurogane, can I sleep with you?"

_Why are you asking? You didn't when we were in Clow, even if you didn't take your eyes off my back. Were you expecting me to rape you right there? Now that I think about it, the few times we did sleep in the same bed you never let your guard down. Why would you sleep with me if it caused you to be uncomfortable? And I remember the first time we slept in the same bed: "Kurogane, I know I'm hot and all, but no touching." Of course! Why hadn't he seen it sooner? _"Tch," was Kurogane's answer.

He felt the mage take off his shirt, lifting it over his head and throwing it expertly onto the fat chair across the room with ease. He then crawled under the new blanket he'd bought the ninja, eyes on Kurogane's back for a while. To the shinobi, It was as if he was burning a hole in his back with those blue eyes.

"Kuro-sama....I don't really like staring at your back...."

"Tch." But, it was Kurogane we're talking about here, and despite himself he turned over to face the mage, glaring at him a bit. "I swear you get more and more like a kid every single day," he muttered, closing his eyes. He didn't want to stare into the oceans that were Fai's eyes because they held that stupid child-like trust. God dammit, that blonde was so stupid....

He couldn't sleep. An hour had probably gone by, and his breathing had evened out, and he must have looked like he drifted off. That's when he felt a cool head on his cheek, large, spindley, so soft but so strong. It was so careful, almost shaky, so soft. It whispered across his skin at first, then came more surely.

"Kuro-sama, I feel so weird....Ever since we came to America I've felt so jumbled up. I don't know what's wrong with me." His voice was so soft, hestant, like his hand had been. A thumb ghosted over his lips. "I trust you, you know. I trusted you even when I absolutely hated you. Because you've never really done something that would hurt me. I guess that America is a place where I can let myself go a bit and not be bottled, but it's like all those emotions just overtake me if I do that....I'm not used to handling this."

There was a silence. "Like right now, I want to kiss you. Yet I'm afraid, really afraid....Do you feel me shaking? That's what I mean...." Why was he talking? Kurogane was asleep!  
Well, not really. He was having a hard time, but he was managing to look like it....He wanted to say something....But what?

Suddenly those red eyes, so sirious, flicked open, and Fai jumped, but his hand was held in place by a larger, warmer one. He was in a corner now, nowhere to run, nowhere to go as those red eyes bore into his soul. So he shut his eyes tight to the warmth of that hand, to the flames in those strong eyes. And then, automatically, he was smiling. "I guess Kurgie caught me!"

"You're an idiot." He curled his fingers into the spaces between Fai's and moved both of their hands to the matress between them. "Go to sleep."

"You're always so warm," The blonde whispered, but, feeling so safe, he let himself drift off into a blissful sleep. It seemed impossible that only a week ago he hated Kurogane Suwa....

"_Tottemo kawaisou desu....._" murmured the samurai. _You're very pitiful. ......But I can't hate you. _But he'd never say the last part out loud.


	11. New Front Cover Stories

Not very sure about this chapter...Kind of a filler. Kind of an other arc. Hope it's okay

* * *

The day before Halloween Fai decided they'd go to the Factory of Terror, a haunted house in Massachusetts. Kurogane wondered when the hell he'd decided this, but Cumberland Farms was still out of service (much to the convenience of residents in Pheonix) hence Fai was out of work, so he walked to the garage when he got out of the diner. As soon as the ninja saw him, he cringed, HARD.

He was wearing purple skinnies and a yellow Owl City shirt, among his usual ear cuffs. And today he'd gelled his hair, so it stuck out in weird ways, covering one of his beautiful blue eyes. Only four of them worked there, and of course it had to be a day when Ric was on shift. The blonde didn't hesitate, but walked strait up to the maroon car he was fixing with, "Kuro, let's go to a haunted house tonight!"

Ric wolf whistled and sang "Nice catch, Kuro!"

He glared back, hard, and it was enough to shut the baldy up. Then he turned back to Fai with a "What the hell is a haunted house?"

The stupid mage laughed like it was obvious. "Well this one's the Factory of Terror. It's a factory they spruced up and open during Halloween time to scare people. It sounds like a lot of fun!"

"Sounds stupid," the ninja snapped, going back to his work.

But here he was, standing in line after a long drive to Massachusetts, during which they'd gotten a bit lost and asked for directions from gas station girl who'd been hitting on them so hard it was next to impossible to get a strait answer. Finally they'd found the place, though, and now they were standing in line outside the building, from which screams could be heard.

"I can't wait," laughed the blonde, but Kurogane didn't see any point in this. Both of them would never he scared of the things in there, and Fai must have known that. But still he'd dragged him here. What was up with him?

Kurogane studied him fro a while when the blonde's attention was adverted, then said, "What's up with your hair today?"

Turning sharply, Fai blinked. "Oh, I thought I'd try something different. Jennifer doesn't like my new style much, but I do," he beamed. "I might try eyeliner, but I don't know. I have blonde hair, and a really pale complexion, so I don't think It'll look good on me..." He took a piece between his fingers, looking up. "But I'm probably boring you, huh, Kuro-sama?"

"Tch."

Fai smiled still. "We're almost there!"

--

Well of course he hadn't been scared. Jumping sky high when something hopped out at you was just a natural reaction, he told himself, but he was still angry every time it happened. At the back of the pack, him and Fai had been a sight, the mage laughing every time he got startled and the ninja instinctively grabbing his hip only to remember he couldn't cut anyone down, which was probably a good thing.

By the time they were walking back to their car, Kurogane was scowling worst than usual as Fai laughed, "Did you see your face!?"

"Shut up!" he snapped.

Fai was quiet as they pulled out of the parking lot, a smile on his face as the stereo played the first bars of The Used's "Noises and Kisses." It was another one of those songs that seemed to hold a deep meaning to him, and Kurogane knew why. There was one line that caught him in particular: "Cause I'd rather stop now if you won't open up." It didn't mean he liked the song, though. It turned screamy at one part and annoyed the hell out of him.

Then he found the car pulling into the parking lot of Dunkin' Donuts and the blonde asking, "Do you want anything?"

"Like what?" he said snappishly.

"Well they have really good muffins," he tried. "Since I doubt you like donuts."

"Tch...."

"Fine, I guess your not hungry."

He pulled up to the drive-through and ordered a half a dozen donuts: two Boston creams, one sprinkled, one glazed, and two jelly-filled, and a strawberry coolatta. As he took the box and the drink from the woman at the window, Kurogane gave him a lifted brow, but the mage only beamed as he pulled into a parking space and tugged the shift into park. Even though he didn't have in license, he liked driving, and was actually quite good at it, so Kurogane let him.

He turned in his seat and pulled his legs up so he was facing Kurogane; the ninja had never know it was even _possible _to sit that way in a car, but of course that mage had found a way. He took the box from the place beside the gear and put it in his lap, opening it and taking out a boston creme. Then the blonde said, "I want you to try it!"

"No way in hell!" exclaimed Kurogane, his face as comical as usual.

"Come on! Please, Kuro-sama?" After receiving a glare and a shake of the head, the blonde sighed and took out the glazed instead. "Okay, how about this one?"

"At least it looks safer," muttered the ninja. He was hungry, so he took it, content it wasn't covered in chocolate. He took a bite as he gazed out the window, chewing, swallowing....And then he looked back

"Tch. Stop smiling like an idiot."

"I'm just happy. Is that a problem?" Well obviously he was happy: he without a care eating a chocolate-covered cream-filled donut in the parking lot of Dunkin' Donuts with a surgery drink and company, thought Kurogane.

"Hmph."

He mage took a bite of his donut, a soft sip of his drink, and after he'd put them down he took a breathe which raised his shoulders, held it, and then let it out heavily, his shoulders coming down but not slumping. "Thanks for putting up with this," he said to the ninja. "You're probably really bored."

"You've said that twice today," Kurogane pointed out.

"And?"

The ninja didn't answer, but studied the mage with unwavering eyes until he got so uncomfortable for so long that he was forced to narrow his bright, crystal-like blue eyes and say, "Yes, Kuro-poo?"

"Nothin'," he murmured, looking away. What had he been thinking at all? Was he so stupid as to sit there and stare at this blonde moron without a reason, googling over him like some little girl? He was not one of those teenagers who fawned over him, and he'd have that known. He was Kurogane Suwa, feared ninja, protector of Nihon, servant to her majesty Princess Tomoyo.

"Hmmn."

There was silence.

"Kuro?"

"Hn?" He didn't move his gaze away from the window, however, much to Kurogane's dismay, their eyes met in the weak reflection in the glass.

"I had fun," Fai told him seriously, a bit softly, his eyes set on that reflection in the glass with no, not determination, caution, as if he were some deer inching into a field to graze in the dead of morning, trying not to get shot. "And do you know why I had fun?"

"Why should I c-"

It was as if Fai didn't want to hear the end of his sentence, because he cut off the ninja with a still-cautious "Because I was doing something different from out daily routine, with you, of course. It would have been boring without you."

When Kurogane didn't answer, the blonde suddenly seemed to kick into movement. He put the box down in front of the cup holders, on the little uprising between the floors of the driver's and passenger's sides. Now sitting forward, he turned the key sharply and pulled the car into gear without even bothering to turn the music back on.

* * *

"Well, there's your problem." Kurogane rolled out from under the car. He should have been home, spending time with Fai before the idiot, but instead he was making some extra money by staying late to look at this lady's Mustang. Why she would bring such a nice car to that scrappy little shop was baffling, but she had. Sitting up on the skateboard he'd been laying on, he picked up a rag to wipe his hands. Then he went into the long explaination of what was wrong with the car, surprised that the red-head was actually taking in what he was saying.

"Get me?" he said at last.

The most surprising thing was that she answered intelligently, in car language. Damn, he couldn't con her out of an extra fifty bucks. So, almost angerly, he told her the parts he had to order, their costs (truthfully) etc, and wrote her out a quick quote. She didn't object to it, and finally Kurogane was on his way, getting into his and Fai's old pre-owned car. ((((Fai and His sounded wrong....is His and Fai's proper English??))))

Ugh. Here was was. "Wow, you own this ratty thing."

"Look, the economy is bad and I have to keep my house," he said bluntly. "And I need to get home."

"Kids?" she asked, still leaning into his window. It was Halloween, late October, but somehow she was wearing a low-cut shirt, low enough that when she bent over, he noticed her cleavage, though he didn't let on. He was a guy, so of course it wasn't a bad veiw, but it did make him wonder about her modesty.

"No, but I have a...roommate," he told her, starting the car as a hint. Slyly, he added, "Who's just as bad."

She laughed a bit. God dammit lady, have some modesty! Put something on! "I'll stop by with my kids tonight. Where do you live?"

He sighed. "In back of Pheonix. Ten bucks you won't be able to miss us."

She laughed a bit more, finally standing up, putting her hands in her hoody. "I'll see you later then, Mr. Gruff Mechanic."

To many men she could probably turn a gay guy strait, but dammit, she was just so _annoying. _But being a man, he couldn't say anything. This is why he protected good, quiet little girls like Tomoyo who only got into trouble when they had an accomplice, who happened to come in the form of a lithe blonde mage...How'd he managed to care about a moron like him!?

---

He would've stayed inside, but Fai made him remain outside.

It was all girls, for God's sake! Instead of Kesly, Alice was replaced by the deceased's best friend, Jennifer. The other characters were all girls, too! And though their costumes were pretty modest, it was without saying that Kesly's best friend had to make it known she had curves. It was a warm night, and it seemed she wanted to take advantage of the situation.

Kurogane sat on the front steps behind the table Fai and his Wonderland friends were sitting at, with their bright-colored china filled with candy. The landlady had decided to let Fai do what he wanted, so the whole house was covered in bright lights and he'd left nothing out. Kurogane wanted to rip everything apart. Dammit. Why couldn't the stupid blonde act like he had in Yama towards the end? At first he'd blabbed non-stop, but toward the end of those 6 months he'd gotten quieter, more sirious, more in-tune with everything and outwardly vicious to prove that no, he wasn't Kurogane's boy toy. That last night in Yama before the kids had shown up had been the closest he'd gotten to the mange for a while on that journey.

_The blonde came in with some water and some kind of fruit he'd snatched somewhere: they were in a tough spot at the moment where there wasn't much to be had, and there was a rule arising around the camp: If you saw blonde, hide your edibles._

_ "Kuro-sama," he side quietly, soberly, giving him one of the fruits. _

_ He murmured a thanks as he took it. Things were this way now. It wasn't _**what** _you said, it was _**how** _you said it. Fai seemed to put more meaning into every word he spoke now; it was one of his stages. First, he'd babbled like an idiot, then he'd tried learning the language, which had failed, then he'd turn mute, and now he was trying to portray emotions better. Here you couldn't hide behind words, and though it'd made their relationship worse in the beginning, the ninja was actually starting to see the advantage in it with Fai's most recent plan._

_ "I wish you put as much effort into fighting with the kids around," muttered Kurogane with a smirk. That canine look told Fai he was talking about something to do with battle, something good, and the way those red eyes bore into his blue ones made it clear it was about him. So, apparently, he was complimenting him. _

_ Fai, who was now sitting on his floor mat, nodded a bit without smiling. Kurogane could tell that the blonde was always up for a good fight, but there was something behind all those fighting skills that made him not want to do it at times. Mabe he'd hurt someone before? He had no idea it was because the blonde thought of himself as a distructive monster._

_ "Kuro-sama, I feel the most lost I've felt since leaving...."_

_ The ninja studied him, hard, but the mange wasn't giving him any hints...then he slowly began to see it. The small waver in the eyes, the small quiver in his hands, the swallow. The, __**"I don't know what I'm doing anymore."**_

_The swordsman didn't know what to say for a moment, because he'd never been good with words-_

"Hey you," came a all-too familiar voice.

Damn. It was her, now with cat ears. If she knew how much he despised cats by this time, she wouldn't have dared..."Hey."

"I guess you were right when you said you wouldn't be able to miss the place...." She glanced at Fai across the table and to the right a bit, who was smiling up at her. There was a moment of silence, during which she blinked down at him. "Uh...hi." She smiled uneasily.

"Hello." He held out his gloved hand, the leather creaking a bit in the silence. "Nice too meet you. I'm Kuro's apartment-mate, Fai D. Flourite."

"....Grace..." She seemed aprihensive as she shook Fai's hand, glancing back at the ninja, who had nothing to offer but a vague "You get used to it."

"Soooo.." She glanced at the little freckled-faced boy dressed as Spider Man who'd come in with her, and content he was happy talking to the Hare she turned back to Kurogane. "Quite a display you have...." Her eyes toured the lights.

"Tch. Not my fault."

She smiled. "You know, you're quite grumpy, Mr. Gruff Mechanic."

He narrowed his eyes. "Hmph."

"Kuro's a big softie," The Mad Hatter chimed in with a very large grin. Immediatly Kurogane cringed, but he waited for a reason to strangle the blonde before actually doing so, though he knew he should just do it now before the moron said something embarassing or perverted. "He just preferrs not to show it."

As soon as he saw that smile he knew he was in trouble. How was it that blond idiot got everyone involved in those little games of his? He could get anyone on his tag-team! "Awww, he's one of those types?"

"Very. He's very warm, actually. Like a puppy!"

"What's up with you and making canine referances with me!?" snapped the ninja.

"He'd make a great daddy someday, don't you think?"

"What the-?"

"Definately."

They both laughed a bit, but soon her little boy was nagging to go to another house, and so they left.

* * *

"Come sit a bit with me," she said, motioning to the place across the table.

"I'm sorry Grace-"

"You can spare a few moments. It's a slow day. Please?" She made a bit of a pouty face, which actually looked really cute even though she was in her twenties and it should have been just wrong.

"Fine," he sighed with a smile, sitting down in the booth. "Is there something you'd like to talk about?"

"...I was wondering if you and Kurogane are..well, you know..." She gave him a knowing, lopsided smile, her freckles prominent on her pale face.

The mage smiled and easily lied, "He's just my friend."

"Really?" she asked, seemingly surprised. "You seem like your together...I mean..."

He laughed a bit, easily, because lying was easier than telling the truth many times. This, this was easier than explaining. "It's true we've know each other since we were kids, but that's it. He's completely heterosexual."

She seemed very happy to hear this. "So you wouldn't be angry at all? I mean, he seems like a very interesting man and, well, I really want to get to know him....But I wanted to tell you first, since you're so close to him."

_Smile, Fai, smile. Kurogane will do the right thing...He loves you, right? _"He is very interesting." He could almost see the dazzling sparkles from his smile. "He's very nice when you get to know him. I bet you'll get along great."

------

He looked down at his knees, which sat on stone blocks. There was the constant sound of rushing water and his thoughts saying, _What's Kurogane gunna do?_

_ ---_

"Kuro-myuu!" he chimed as he walked in, fake smile in place.

There was a gruff, "You're late." from the living room.

"Weeeell," the mage sang, setting his keys down on the counter and taking off his sweatshirt, "I do have a life, which calls for not being home every second I'm not at work, Kuro-Kuro."

"Tch."

Fai peeked his head int the living room, where the ninja was watching the news with a bowl of Ramen noodles. "Ohhh come on, you didn't have to go and eat dinner without me!" The mage hastily started to make himself some.

"No need to hurry, I'm done anyway." The swordsman walked in and dumped the empty Styrofoam cup into the trash and his fork into the sink. A pouting Fai stuck out his tongue and put his into the microwave. "How was work?"

"I officially hate this world," Kurogane said snappishly. "The girls don't know how to handle themselves."

"Come on, you're just used to quiet little princesses who turn into fangirls when your not looking. Grace isn't that bad, is she?" he laughed. Kurogane then noticed one of his earbuds was in, but didn't say anything about it.

"She's annoying."

Fai laughed a bit.

"I was trying to fix her Mustang, and she was standing right there the whole time, asking me questions."

"She's interested in you," Fai pointed out. "Girls in this country can be very assertive."

"Tch. She asked me out to coffee tomorrow."

The mage's heartstrings tugged, but he acted mildly surprised, resting his chin on his hand. "Really? Did you say yes?"

"Why would I!?" snapped Kurogane.

"Hm." The blonde shrugged and took his dinner from the microwave. "I don't know, for your own reasons." He blew a bit over the steam rising from the cup to cool it down, then proceeded to get a fork and make his way to the living room.

"In other news, two little boys have gone missing. There is evidence that both boys, Fai and Yuui Flowright, were abused in their small home on the outskirts of the tiny county of Valeria in Iowa. They were reported missing yesterday in the early hours of the morning by a neighbor, Kurogane Youou Suwa, who is the same age as the boys. We were able to have him agree to a small interview, and this is what he said:"

A boy about eight years old with spikey hair came on the screen, and in the backdrop was a wide open field with nothing in sight. His red eyes were determined and defiant, his arms crossed over his chest. He was barefoot, dressed in worn-out jeans and an old t-shirt.

An off-screen voice said, "What's you're connection to the boys."

"Those idiots are my friends," he said curtly.

"Oh? And when did you notice they were gone?"

"Every night they sneak to the window and we talk. They haven't been there for four nights. I knew something was wrong. Whoever took them is going to pay!" His face was so set it was scary for a child his age. "They don't deserve to be hurt."

Next a woman came on screen, with kind eyes and an apron, next to a man that was the spitting image of the Kurogane standing next to Fai Flourite.

"Did you know anything about this?"

"No we didn't, but I can only be thankful Kurogane noticed something was wrong," said the woman kindly.

The newsman came back on with more information: "The father of the boys refuses to make any comment, and we cannot get in contact with the mother. There are no pictures of them ot be had, but there is a description of them: Identical twins at about four-foot-three-inches with pale skin, blue eyes, and long blonde hair. They are described as underfed and very skinny. Any information is greatly appreciated. Please call-"

What woke the blonde was the feeling of hot soup on his toes.

____

**----PLEASE READ THIS-----**

**Fai and Kurogane dropped into this world, so, naturally, there's already versions of them here. Grace is a cross-over from my other story, Titanic (Don't ask why it hasn't been updated. I get a lot of writer's blocks...). I've come up with my own theory that when one dimension's person (Yuui, Grace, Kurogane etc.) dies, a while later they're reincarnated. SO, even though Grace appears in Titanic, which is the same world, she can be in this story too. ^L^ Yes, I know it's smart lmao**

**Also, Our Fai's last name is Flourite, while the twins are Flowright, so that's how you can keep them strait.**

**On another note, did I ever say that Nihon years are shorter than Celes/Valeria years? I'm sorry that slipped my mind.... So Fai is actually older than Kurogane by around, mabe, 25 Nihon years? Haha, Fai's an old man! X) You all knew that, though, amIright? I mean, Fai is more mature.......Okay, Never mind X) But, still on that note, he's still a teenager in some ways because the life expectancy for Celestians is higher than Nihonians, so he's older in some ways and childish in others. Another thing you already knew. ^L^**

**If you've been waiting for pics of West Warwick, they've arrived! My PenPal's FINALLY uploaded some! Since Links tend not to work here, just take out the spaces:**

**www . face book . ?aid=12148&id=100000446536843&l=d4505b8b2f**

**=) Love you all!**

**P.S - Sorry I don't reply to reveiws...I don't check my e-mail, like, at all and then when I do see them it's 4 AM and I can't sleep and I'm too lazy to respond, though I do smile, I can say that. I know that's kinda evil of me, so I WILL start answering you, lol. Sorry!**

**AND you will most definately see a "LETS MAKE A SANDWICH" Reference from GaGa's new video for Telephone. X) I only use her because she's a real gay/bi person. You don't see Owl City here, now do you? So shut up about me using real life refernces!**

**AND AND AND you know you're an otaku when you're adding words like Youou to you're computer's dictionary. **

**NOW ILL SHUT UP.  
**


	12. Another Old Score to Settle

**I've written this chapter over and over and over again, a ton of different ways with a ton a different plots. A lot happens here, but I think it's for the best. **

**The next chapter should come out a LOT sooner. =D  
**

**Yes, Fai even has more problems. You know you always wondered why he cross dresses! =D**

**

* * *

**

_He walked in to the small, dark room with his eyes to the ground so he wouldn't have to see ninja until the last moment._

_ "I'll leave you with him," whispered one of the nurses as she stood, gathered up her robe, and walked out with the sound of sliding paper doors._

_ Still looking at the ground, Fai slowly sat by his side. "This is my fault, you know." He didn't chance a glance at the feverish shinobi just yet, but glared at the floorboards. "It's my luck. It's my curse. You shouldn't have to deal with it."_

_ He chanced a look at Kurogane, swallowing hard. His face was flushed and sweaty while his chest heaved hard. His breath was ragged in the silent room, and it seemed as if at any moment he could slip away into death. Fai swallowed hard at the thought that this - this dance with the Reaper - was all his fault. He'd, once again, hurt someone so precious to him. _

_ Suddenly a large hand drifted up even though his eyes didn't open. "Tomoyo...." moaned a cracked, feverish, hoarse, voice._

_ That's right, the ninja probably didn't want to see him right now....But still, Fai slowly reached out slowly and took that warm, sweaty hand in his, about ready to cry. Slowly he laid Kurogane's palm on his cheek, whispering, "I'm sorry, it's me."_

_ "Fai...Yuui...." It was if he couldn't figure out which name he wanted to use._

_ "Don't speak if it hurts..." he whispered softly.  
_

_ "Shut up," came that hoarse, half-conscious voice. Before Fai could register anything, the hand on his cheek somehow got itself around the back of his head, pulling him strait down, and in a flurry of movement he was left wide-eyed with his head on Kurogane's chest._

_ "Kuro-"_

_ "Sleep." Of course: even when only half-conscious, he knew Fai hadn't been able to sleep well and was worried for him._

_ And that was when he finally broke down and sobbed on the chest of a now-unconscious Kurogane, his tears soaking into the bandages on the ninja's chest and shoulder. "I wish you'd hate me already," he whispered shakily. _

Why was he dreaming of the past?

He sighed but didn't move from his place in bed.

Last night had been a depressing night. Kurogane had helped him pick up his dinner, and he wasn't in the mood to eat anything, so he'd gotten into bed and stared at the ceiling.

_"You should have known you'd find another you sometime."_

_ "I know," he whispered. "It's just Fai's going to die before he's found...If the people our duplicates meet in different worlds are the same, then that means the people they loose are, too."_

_ "If you say so."_

_ Silence._

_ He missed Fai. He missed him more than anything. He had never gotten to say goodbye, hardly gotten to say hello. And there was no way to say "I'm sorry." No whispering "I wanted you to live, not me," in his ear. He was gone, and it was the hardest thing he ever had grasped._

He noticed Kurogane's red eyes were now open, silently staring at him, watching him for any signs of emotion. The ninja looked at that innocent face, void of any expression except that which comes over when one is studied. He found those innocent eyes and just stared silently for a moment, unmoving, while his hand itched to reach out and cup that soft, pale cheek. Heh...If he'd ever known he'd be picking out the little things that were cute on a man, like those eyes or the way his hair hung over them, or the curve of his cheeks and lips and face, the way it sometimes looked so childishly adorable but so adultishly sexy at other times...

"I better get ready for work...."

The ninja nodded a bit. "Have a.... good day," he muttered, because it seemed like the right thing to say at such a time.

The mage smiled a bit, truly. "You too, Kuro-puu."

He glanced at the clock.

It was seven o'clock.

Kurogane over an hour late.

Mabe he had something to do.

Mabe he went to the store.

Mabe he met a girl-

Nevermind.

........

He glanced at the clock..

Still seven o'clock.....

Damn.....

.......

....

..

He swallowed.

A sick feeling was growing in his stomach.

Kurogane was never late...

He was probably just overreacting...

Mabe he should get some sleep.....

That'd do it.

But he couldn't sleep.

He couldn't get that feeling out of the pit of his stomach.

Seven....Eight...Nine.....

And that's when he forced himself to fall asleep, so he didn't know when his lover came home.

Fai sighed and stared at the clock on his cell phone. Grace must have dragged Kurogane out again. For what the ninja had told him, Grace had offered to treat him to Mc. Donald's only to drag him out to a full eat-in resturant. What puzzled Fai was the fact that Kurogane could have fought back at any time.

He turned on the 11 o'clock news (Cumby's was out of commission for only another day) tiredly so he could get his mind off the lump in his throat and see if there was any more news on the Flowright case...But it didn't help. He'd already known it wouldn't touch his worries, since he'd tried multiple times: he'd done the laundry, the dishes, the shopping, cleaned the house....

The blonde knew how greedy it was to hang out with girls but get depressed every time Kurogane did it. It was because he knew the ninja was aware of how social he was from his lack of childhood contact, and inferred the shinobi wouldn't care because of that. But Kurogane was almost anti-social, and for him to be with a girl so late at night more than once....The thought that the ninja was doing _that _came into his head like a plauge, unrelenting. It would make sense. He wasn't gay - He must have found the busty red head attractive, and being a man he'd seduced her, or she'd seduced him, because Kurogane looking for sex was just wrong. And then when they'd found that turned out mighty fine, they'd done it again. And he didn't know what to do, because there was a chance Kurogane hadn't even fallen in love at all. He might have been just fulfilling a basic need...but that could very well turn into something....

_"The mother of Kurogane Suwa-" _caught his attention then, and he actually started to see the newscaster on the television. _"Died this morning at a local hospital. She was shot through the head. Her husband is in the intensive care unit, and Kurogane Suwa is in the custody of a foster parent. Mr. Suwa's not expected to live. _

_ It was a brutal attack in the single story home on West Street in a small town in Iowa. The small son called police in the middle of it to report there were people in the house attempting to kill them. The sheriff's department says this is most definately linked to the disappearance of two small twin boys in the house a mile down the long road, twins who happened to be in contact with the Suwa child. Still, the investigation is in full swing. We will immediately air any breaking news on this story. If you have any leads, please...."_

Fai buried his head in the futon and let out a muffled moan that turned into a sob at the end as his grip tightened on the sheets.

Then the door opened sharply.

Fai didn't move.

"Mage, you here?"

He figured it was best answer the ninja, so he layed his cheek on his arms and said in a whisper, "In here."

He glanced over to find Kurogane in the doorway with his arms crossed and a brow raised. The first thing he noticed was the way his hair looked desholved. Then there was a moment of silence that Fai could not bear, and then the mage murmured, "His mother died today...They don't expect her husband to live." His eyes sat coldly on the ninja, waiting in vain, because he knew Kurogane wouldn't react much to this news: they'd both been waiting for it.

"Hmn."

There was a thick silence.

"So...where've you been?" He asked, just to break that deathly silence. He wanted to say, "I missed you" but his being wouldn't let him. He wanted to whisper, "Don't leave me, please," but he couldn't.

"Grace decided to drag me out again," he grumbled, moving away and out of sight. "But I was able to get rid of her."

"After five hours?" questioned the mage. He wanted to say, "I love you...."

Fai could feel Kurogane pause in the doorway to the bathroom, and heard the ninja say a soft, "Yeah."

"Hmn...Well I'm tired...I think I'll hit the sack. 'Night."

"...'Night."

_A silent din that rang in his ears,_

_ A non-existant sound,_

_ A non-existant hand,_

_ Nothing to grasp,_

_ To hold._

_ No warmth,_

_ No heat_

_ No Fiery eyes to trust._

_ Then a black._

_ Abyss._

_ Nothing._

_ No waver in the dark._

_ Nothing to tell him he was alive._

_ A place where all there was to do_

_ Was die._

And so he waited. He lay there as his stomach crawled into tighter and tighter knots with his head buried into the pillow. He didn't dare look at the clock in fear of the time. In the background all that could be heard was the screaming and then singing of I'm so sick: "I will BREAK, BREAK. I'm so sick, Infected with where I live. Let me live without this..."

At this point, he'd love nothing better than for Kurogane to come home and to kiss him, to feel his hot breath on him....even if it brought back memories. All he wanted to was to feel the ninja in his arms once again, even if he smelled like perfume and sweat.

All he wanted to do was sleep away this pain...and so he let himself fall...

_That black. That unwavering black. Unrelenting. Neverending...Deep but shallow, quiet but insanely loud...just...there. Painful..It was painful to be alone..._

At some point he became aware of a heat on his hand, and Fai slowly woke, cracking his eyes open to see a figure beside him. He could feel the way his eyes were swollen and immediatly knew why Kurogane had been holding his hand, those tanned fingers intertwined with his own spindley stared for a moment, at the difference between their hands, one on top of the other, on the futon. Then he glanced back up, immediatly noticing the way his hair wasn't as perfect as usual, the way he seemed a bit off.

"You were dreaming again. Just like last night."

"..."

"Just like Nihon." Only Fai knew that he ment _Up to Nihon. _Because that's when he'd finally come to some kind of peace. But also, thew ninja had wanted him to think of that time:

_Fai couldn't sleep, so he tiptoed from his room next door to Kurogane and into their courtyard. It was one of the many in the castle and they shared it with only Syoaron, who was busy by the Princess, and Mokona, who was sleeping, because Tomoyo had emptied out the other seven rooms around the garden for them. _

_ His bare feet were weightless as he crept to the sakura tree in the middle of the garden. His robes softly swayed around him, and his hair whispered in the wind. Somewhere far off, a shamisen echoed in the silence. As he neared the old tree he reached out to it's rough trunk and touched it until he was near enough to place his forehead against it. After a moment of almost-silence, where he looked as if he was about to sob, he slammed a hand into the tree, clutching it dearly in his helplessness._

_ "Damn this...."_

_ "Damn what, exactly?"_

_ Fai knew that voice. It wasn't worth spinning around to meet him. So, letting his hands slip down the bark so only his fingertips lingered, he sighed. "You know you're way too nosy?...." His voice faded away into the oppressing quiet. "...I've been told that you can only move as fast as those in front of you."_

_ Kurogane waited for him to go on. There was only the sound of the muffled shamisen somewhere far away and the crickets. _

_ "But what if it wasn't getting ahead you wanted. What if you just want to catch up, to get to their level of kindness and realness, to be able to always be so sincere?" he asked with a voice shaky from oncoming tears._

_ "You have been sincere these last couple days," pointed out Kurogane interestedly._

_ "And it hurts. It burns." He clutched at his chest. "Like gasping for breathe after almost drowning in salt water. I don't know what to do. I'm afraid."_

_ That statement was universal. He was afraid of people seeing the real him and disliking it. He was afraid that someone would see how utterly screwed up he was over his past. He was afraid of the real world after gripping at hallucinations for so many years. When he played a game, he really played a game, and his lies became his truths and his truths vanished somewhere off into the back of his mind. Digging those truths up had been so hard, and now, facing those demons he and Kurogane had brought back to life was bruising him from the inside out._

_ "You can only get used to being like that. It'll ebb away," the ninja promised. He couldn't imagine the pain and the fright Fai felt after so many years of drowning in a fake world, fake happiness, fake truths. It angered him that any human being could be so stupid as to lock themselves up like that and toss the key away. He couldn't stand that a person could try and hide the iron bars of a cage they had constructed on their own. He turned, but did not make a move to leave the mage. "Now come on, you need your sleep. We're leaving in a day or two."_

_ There was a moment of quiet during which everything seemed silenced, except for the shamisen. Fai listened to it for a moment, echoing throughout the night in a lonely manner. Then he extended an arm back, grasping at thin air without looking, trying to find that warm, warm person-_

_ "You're a moron." Fai was a bit surprised Kurogane hadn't called him wimpy and unmanly, but at the same time he felt cold, metal fingertips gracing his own, and he immediately took ahold of them, trying to remember Kurogane's new texture deep in his mind without being obvious._

_ "Don't hold my hand like that," said the ninja, snappishly but also gently, moving his metal fingers out from between Fai's and taking his wrist. He tugged with only a tiny bit of pressure. "Come on, idiot."_

_ Covering his face with his wrist like a small child, the mage slowly followed him away. "I'm sorry for breaking down."_

_ "Shut up."_

_ From under his arm, the mage chuckled "Of course."_

_ He wondered what Kurogane was thinking as they stepped through the paper doors of the ninja's room. He took down his arm to glance around at the nearly empty space. There was an eastern style futon, a place for his sword, some bamboo baskets for his clothes. He'd seen this place before, but it never got old. And then he found he was being brought to the doors between their separate rooms. Of course Kurogane was leading him back._

_ "If you have any nightmares, you wake me up."_

_ It wasn't "You _**can**_ wake me up." It was an order: "You _**will** _wake me up."_

_ He was pleased with his ability to creep into the ninja's room until those red eyes snapped open to meet him. But still, he walked all the way in and sat by that ninja, in that weird way where he crouched on the balls of his feet and let his arms hang. _

_ Without a word, Kurogane lifted his blankets. The mage swallowed and hesitated for a very long time._

_ "Whatcha waitin' for?" he mumbled sleepily._

_ "Nothing, Kuro-Sama." He thought he'd be able to crawl into the warmth that was Kurogane, but of course not. As soon as he went to get under the blanket, the ninja turned over, and so Fai was obligated to turn his back on him in return.. _

_ "_Just like Nihon."

"It wasn't bad," Fai tried. "I already forgot about it."

"Whatever," the ninja said almost snappishly.

The blonde didn't know what to say, so he tried, "Sooooo....Where've you been?"

Hopefully he was imagining the way the way the ninja's jaw set a bit, the way his back became a bit more strait...But he didn't notice how his hand had tightened on Kurogane's, and the shinobi glanced down.

As if on cue, both of them said, "You're hiding something."

In one swift movement those red eyes moved to meet his face, while Fai's own stayed locked on their hands.

Another Corner. Fai winced. Kurogane always locked him in a corner as if it were his job, his profession, his life's purpose. And why was it he hadn't learned to deflect these attacks? Well, he knew how to get out of it, vaguely, but it always seemed so hard to sidetrack Kurogane when he was on a mission.

"You're hiding more," the blonde snapped. "And I'll know if you're telling the truth." He sat up, taking his hand back. He and the ninja locked determined looks, and Fai dared to challenge him.

Like a blunt sword, it came down hard and painful, without any mercy. "At Grace's." He watched those blue orbs narrow harder, upset. Angry. Disappointing. This was his payback, this was his revenge, because the worst hit you could ever take was one from someone you loved. Why hadn't Fai trusted him? Why did the mage think he was cheating on him? Wait, in their situation, was it cheating? He pushed that thought of out his head and then decided to go on. "I've been earning money babysitting for her. I thought you'd like the extra cash-"

"Why the fuck do you always put me on the god damn edge like that, you bastard!"

Kurogane blinked at the mage's language first, and then the pain in his arm from punch the had landed on his arm second. Then he barked, "You're the one jumping to conclusions!" W_hy hadn't you trusted me? What did I ever do to deceive you? You have no reason to think I'm cheating!_

His face indignant, Fai glared and swallowed. He was a contradictory person by nature: smiling but unhappy, fragile but strong. And this was no different. He cared about Kurogane more than anyone - Kurogane was his precious person. But he really did hate him. He hated the way the ninja was bad as communicating (But really, was he any better?). Hated the way he was gruff, but so warm, so caring, so genuine in everything he did. He hated the way that man would never, ever hurt him, even when Fai asked for it himself Hated him for everything he loved him for, which was even more insane.

Suddenly he felt his stomach growl loudly and came to the realization that he hadn't eaten in a long time, and said, "I'm hungry. Let's make a sandwich."

Without waiting to see if Kurogane would follow him, the mage moved off into the kitchen to make himself a midnight snack. However, the ninja decided to join him silently a few moments later, standing against the counter with his arms folded across his strong chest. The blonde could tell he wanted to say something, but he also knew Kurogane was bad with words, like himself.

"Yeah?" he prompted.

The ninja stared down at the floor for a long time, his eyes narrowed. There, on the old tile, he seemed to find invisible letters forming into words, because he looked down there as he spoke: "You know, I'm not big on metaphors, but Tomoyo once said that trust is like a mirror: you can fix it if it's broke."

Fai contemplated just smiling and nodding, but he ended up turning his head to look at the warrior with an ironic smile. He paused slicing a tomato, and said, "But you can still see the crack's in that mother fucker's reflection. Or so I was told."

His red eyes narrowed on a place across the room for a moment, then he closed them and sighed, still without looking at Fai. "You really do need help."

"I really do," the mage laughed as he went on with his task. Vaguely, he wondered why he was acting like this.... He guessed that some masks were already ingrained into him so badly that he could never fully pry them off. But then again, was this a mask? He was a bit scared at this notion: the thought that he couldn't tell his masks from himself. And, of course, being one to run away, he shoved the thought into the back of his mind. "Would you like a sandwich, too?"

Snappishly, the ninja said with a suspicious voice, "What the hell is this attitude about?" From their journey, and from living in this boring world, Kurogane had figured out that the only way he could really get anything out of the mage was to put him in a place where he couldn't get out of it: a corner.

He sighed. Dammit. He hated pulling this shit, especially on someone who was traumatized.

Fai swallowed as he felt the ninja come up behind him but didn't move: there was nowhere to go. He felt hands intertwine with his, lay the knife down and his palms on the counter top. This was what he'd wanted, yes? This is what he'd yearned for over these last couple days, right? That warmth on his back, those fingers in his, Kurogane's breath on his neck?

"You said you wouldn't touch me unless I said it was okay," he said harshly, but it hardly had the sting he was aiming for.

"I didn't hear you say no, did I?" Kurogane murmured in his ear, making him tilt his head the other way. The swordsman paused for a moment, wondering what to say. He knew what he should have said, but nothing came out.

"What do you want?" Fai murmured. "You always put me in a corner when you want to know something."

"What's wrong?" he murmured huskily.

"If the only way for you to ask that is to put me in this predicament, then why should I tell you?" asked the blond snappishly.

Kurogane's anger flared at that comment. "I have to, otherwise you smile and say it's fine or avoid the subject!" he growled."You still relapse into that mask. Why can't you just learn to lean on the people who are there for you?"

"Shut up!"

By using the hand he was holding, Kurogane was able to pull him around to face him. The mage turned his head so he didn't have to look at Kurogane, glaring at the wall

"When you want something, say it! If you need to talk to someone, do it! No one will judge you differently!"

"Yeah, sure. If you say so, Kuro-sama."

"I won't!" growled the ninja, who'd heard the way Fai had stressed his nickname into hatred. Those eyes glared at him so hard he thought he was surely die from all that dislike. All he could do was glare back and hold his hands, which were itching to cover those blue eyes, in the form of fists by his side. He was SICK of all this mistrust. He'd never done a thing to be so hated and feared!

And that's why he did it.

He grabbed Fai's thin wrists in one smooth movement and dragged him out of the kitchen quickly. The mage almost got away more than once, but he kept a tight hold on his blonde captive into the living room and half-threw him onto the matress, knowing full well Fai could kick his ass if he wanted to.

"WHAT THE HELL!"

Suddenly his shirt was being forced over his head and he became paralized by fear. Immediatly after the cloth was pulled away, he hunched over and wrapped his arms around himself, glaring. And then he noticed Kurogane was taking his pants off, and yelled, "GET OFF ME!"

Kurogane couldn't look him in the eye, but even with his gaze diverted he caught Fai's foot in mid-air without letting it hinder him. He was attacking this problem, unlike the mage. He would MAKE Fai trust him, no matter what. Always their relationship had been built on chemistry and hitsuzen; Trust had only flitted in and out momentarily; It hadn't decided to come out to play until Ashura had died.

"KUROGANE, WHAT ARE YOU DOING!" He tried as his pants were pulled clean off. He was left in his boxer-briefs, wide eyed and in a disarray. Hands felt for the waistband of his underwear, and he blew up with a kick and a yell: "HEY, I SAID NO!"

Too late. Kurogane had ripped them down, pushed him back, and,

"KUROGANE, PLEASE! ....." He stopped there.

Pain hadn't coursed through him. No, quiet the opposite. He hadn't been taken by Kurogane: the ninja had simply moved his thigh and knocked him over by accident on his quest not to harm him. His face came in close, but did not touch there. His lips simply pressed to the inside of the blonde's thigh so softly, with so much care and love. It was slightly wet, so hot. He lingered there for some seconds, then his hot breath was all that was left for a moment before he closed Fai's legs and sat his chin on the mage's knee and stared elsewhere.

"Sorry, I'm a pig who can't control myself," he muttered. Yet, at the same time, he could feel half an erection in his pants.

He could feel Fai shaking under him. "T-THAT WAS NOT FUNNY! GIVE ME MY CLOTHES!" He grabbed for his boxers with a quaking hand, Kurogane observed silently.

"I never said it was funny," the ninja reminded him.

"I know!" he retorted as he kicked Kurogane off in order to put on his underwear. Well, his foot hadn't connected with the ninja's face, but Kuro gotten off fast enough to be called kicked.

"Then there's no problem," Kurogane reminded him from his place a foot away on the floor.

Fai was distraught. "Just - Just shut it for a minute!" He stood to tug up his boxer briefs, then grabbed for his pants with an unsteady hand to find they weren't there. He turned a couple times before he found them and pulled them on sharply without even buttoning them. He blinked and looked around, as if trying to figure out what to do next. He could feel Kurogane's soul-seeing gaze on his back....The silence was deafening.

"....I get it." he finally said.

"I know." _You're not stupid. Of course you get it._

"So stop looking at me like that!"

"I'll look at you however the hell I want," Kurogane snapped. "Why are you so uncomfortable with being a man?"

"Because I never want to be one, okay!" He finally exclaimed, turning around. "If I were a woman, everything would have been okay! Two identical boys are bad luck, two girls are good luck - one of each is fine! If I'd only been a girl-"

"I wouldn't have met you."

He wasn't sure if Fai had heard him or not, because the blonde went on with his rant while pacing the small room. He was sure, however, that Fai knew that full and well.... "If I'd only been a girl then everything would have been avoided and Fai would be alive. I mean, come on, I look like God stopped halfway into making a baby girl decided to give me a dick instead of a vagina, excuse my French - I told you to stop with the glare!"

He didn't answer, nor did he change his look.

"You know people can get changed here? Into what they're supposed to be? I saw it on T.V.

"Mage, you wouldn't." Suddenly Kurogane's eyes had seemed to shine an unsual bloody red in the dim room, as if he would kill someone at any second. His voice had been a deep, throaty growl that Fai had never heard anyone else use.

"It would fix all our problems," Fai reminded him.

Kurogane shot up. "Says who! What problems!"

"Oh, don't act like I haven't figured it out," Fai said in cold anger. "You're confused. You were brought up on the tradition that being gay was wrong. Of course you'd rather be with a pretty little black-haired girl who can give you a son to raise and hold dear." He saw the look on the ninja's face, eyebrows furrowed in a way that spelled the truth, and it broke his heart.

"You're still tip-toeing around your problems," Kurogane snapped. "Otherwise, you'd figure out a different way that doesn't involve you changing your whole gender, which I still doubt is possible. I know for a fact that you're not a woman, because you're stronger than anyone I have ever met. You state every day that you're a man. Now stop trying to take the easy way out. My easy way would be moving out, saying we're only friends. And do you see me backing away?"

Fai glared.

"Yeah. I don't live with your ass every day because I'm hoping you'll change into a woman. I don't care what you are at this point."

"Well, I'm halfway there," he muttered, turning his head away while he crossed his arms.

Kurogane closed his eyes and tightened his fists in annoyance, muttering though clenched teeth, "You're so hard to work with."

"What, itching to punch me again?" he said. "Go ahead and hurry up. I never got to finish making my sandwich."

Kurogane only set his jaw harder and swung his head away so he could regain himself. Oh god, the mage was asking for it, literally. Under any other circumstances he would have just punched him already, but he was afraid of his temper, for the first time in a while. "Stop. Instigating," he growled through his teeth.

"I wonder who's instigating here."

That's when he swung for the mage's head, and caught him square in the skull. He felt the mage fall to the floor, and satisfied his point had gotten across, he moved into the kitchen to clean up what he knew wasn't going to be eaten anytime soon.


	13. New Changes

**I know you don't want to hear my excuse of how I ended up in a group home for a month and a half and still haven't returned home, amiright?**

**So here's something small.**

**Sorry for the poetry-type crap, but I'm reading Burned at the moment, which is in the style, and I wanted to try it. ;)**

**

* * *

**

It didn't Hurt.

No, not really.

If I must be a guy, might as well

act the part.

...

Little rustles.

Cleaning, I suppose.

My sandwhich was

uneaten, of course.

...

"Do you like it when I'm mad, or something?"

He was

fustrated.

A bit

angry.

And maybe

Confused?

...

Whispers only escaped.

"Of course not.

Then you might

start to hate me."

...

Stop.

I heard it.

Felt it

stop.

And I hoped

To whatever was up there,

that he didn't

hate me.

...

"God.

Dammit."

...

I gagged on his tone

Oh, no.

Oh, God.

...

"This

it isn't going to work."

...

Nails.

At my hair,

digging

at my skull.

...

"Unless something

changes."

The pieces

they didn't fit together

to me.

...

I hoped my voice didn't

crack.

"Changes?"

...

"Don't be a moron!"

Kurogane

A typical

_man. _

Bad with words.

Very physical.

But that makes me a

_man _

too.

...

Without

complications.

Without

Words so hard.

He had said,

_Don't make me_

_explain myself. _

_Because I _

_Can't._

_...  
_

"What do you

want?"

...

"Trust me."

...

"Easy for

you

to say."

My nails,

they sat there,

uncertain, at my skull.

...

"...I won't say please."

Kurogane

wasn't dumb.

He was

masculine, all

adrenalin.

But he wasn't

Stupid.

Never was he

stupid.

...

Steps.

Toward me.

Soft.

He wasn't trying to

hide.

If he were, he'd be

silent.

...

A knee, it cracked

as he crouched

before me,

before Silence.

...

"Talk," I murmured,

cracked voice washing into

Silence's face.

"I can't

judge."

...

Nails,

tighter,

pain.

Memories.

Want.

_Need._

_...  
_

"Tell me

truths.

Like always."

...

Always.

He'd never

lied. Though his words

they could be painful.

But they were never true lies.

...

"I won't tell you,

'Baby,

it'll be alright.'

Hunny, I'll never hurt you.'

Because I might,

by accident.

And you're

not my

baby.

You're hardly mine.

But I'm all yours.

So take me?

You expect lies.

So take truths,

since you're so stupid

as to ask."

...

A glance

was all I chanced

up from my knees.

A bit of slack

was all I gave

my nails from my brain.

...

Wordy for him,

yes.

A change,

yes.

...

"Truths.

They sound like lies.

Everything sounds like

lies."

...

"Then you're hearing is

fucked up."

...

He smirked.

Calm.

An infero in a ditch,

enclosed for the time being.

...

Somehow smiling,

I reached out

pushed him.

Not like it made a difference.

He hardly budged.

"Screw you."

...

"Please do."

...

Stupid. Dog.


End file.
